Does your DH offer you emotional support?

[midnightmoon8]

It's dawning on my that mine doesn't :-( and it's making me doubt my 11 year marriage (no children). He is a good man in lots of ways but doesn't seem able to offer me any support emotionally (I do to him). We're both 50. Interested in others views on this.

No he didn't. Or very rarely and not much. After several last straws I decided I would rather be alone.Feels much better to not constantly feel let down and disappointed

What exactly do you want from him, OP? I don't quite understand what the issue is. Are you a particularly emotional person? I don't think that in general men are equipped for emotional support - a sweeping statement, I know, and I may be wrong.

Yes - he doesn't always say what I want but it's really important to him that he listens and cares

A very sweeping statement I would say PP!

This, for me, is what a partnership is about. Your partner should be there for you emotionally, to support, give suggestions to help you, and make you feel cherished and loved. He doesn't have to be all hugs and kisses about it, but if he's not basically a supportive friend, what's the point?

I'm not an emotionally-needy person at all 99% of the time, and am trying to appreciate that he his own Father wasn't a supportive husband. However, I am currently having a really bad bought of anxiety (this is not usual) and need some emotional support/need him to be my cheerleader and he is failing miserably

Yes, he's brilliant. Always emotionally supported me

No, he's not very good at it. He'll bend over backwards to do practical things that need doing but empathy is not his strong point.

@PickAChew mines the same! Never get any sympathy or help when feeling emotional from him. I had the bad cold thing for a week recently and the whole time he kept telling me it was all in my head and I felt he didn't even believe I was that unwell. (Despite my constant temperature, sweating, hacking cough and sniffles!).

Last year when he got the flu (I was on at him to get a flu jab but he said he wouldn't need one🙄) I cared for him all week and even helped him complete some of his work from home stuff so he didn't fall behind!

I cried recently (rare occasion that I do so in front of him) and he just sat there.

I get you op, mine isn’t really. Although I am with him. He’s fine with the big stuff.. my df passed away and he ‘got’ that, but not great otherwise. It’s not the way he works and he’s great in many other ways. I have a great female network and I make time for ‘me’ with them. It’s not easy though, and causes me some doubts too. I look at the bigger picture... and remind myself there are a lot of plus points

No.

No but it's just not within his capabilities I think. Same as a PP he's brilliant with practical stuff but he just goes silent if I'm upset.

No, he's not that unkind, adoggymama. He just doesn't pick up on things. If he does see that I'm upset, he assumes I want to be alone and makes himself scarce. I end up wanting to scream at him.

Yes, I get lots of emotional support from DH
I couldn't imagine us working if we weren't both their for each other that way.

We don't have any family network round us so that might be why we do lean on each other a bit more.

Have you had a sit down to discuss?
If it's not been something he's done before he might not realise?

My H doesn’t seem to know how to deal with stuff like that, if I’m visibly upset he will hug me but if I try to talk about stuff he clams up and I get a ‘there there’ pat on the back..or he gives me space as he assumed that’s what I need.
I’ve learned to not go to him for someone to sound off too!

Emotional support is my husband's forte. He's also a practical man that can fix anything. I lean on him so much. He's not flashy or rich, but he's always 100% there for me. I've struggled this year because he's been quite ill and in and out of hospital and I've had to be the strong one!

My DH does try, but he isn't always very good at it. I can't fault him on the practical support that he offers, or on his willingness to help. However, I find that my female friends and family members are just better at providing the kind of support that I need.

DH is very similar to my dad. He can't really see the point of talking about problems, he'd far rather rush in and do something practical to fix them. I think he feels a bit helpless if dd or I get upset, so he switches into "action mode" as a means of dealing with this.

Perhaps he thinks I'm rubbish at supporting him because I just sit and listen/talk about stuff, without actually doing anything to help!

Mine is absolutely rubbish. I think he panics and tries to turn things into a joke. Pisses me right off. He just doesn't seem to know what to say, although, to be fair I'm fairly convinced he's undiagnosed aspergers or similar.

Mine used to be rubbish at this. I blame his parents! He did not have any idea what to do inorder to support me when I had an issue. I had to be very explicit: from “I need a hug/ you to listen” all the way to “I can’t cope doing X,Y,Z can you do it for me?”

Have you tried being explicit to him OP?

Yes he does. I have a mental illness and he is very supportive of me when I decline. But I emotionally support him to when needed.