Hi,
I just need to get to get this off my chest somewhere as have no one to talk to. I know that I shouldn’t be with him, but have nowhere else to go and neither does he.
Have been with my husband for 15yrs and we have 3 children, 12, 5 & 7.
Most would say that he is an alcoholic (but not him). Drinks around 10 cans of beer from around 4pm until he’s finished. Sometimes this can be on an empty stomach.
Over the past 5 years or so he is constantly accusing me of cheating with people at work and can argue with me for hours late at night. I’ve got to the point where I don’t even bother arguing back as it makes it worse and gets turned around on me if I react.
I know it’s down to his drinking, but he won’t stop, even when he tries to have a day off he can’t.
He was made redundant earlier in the year which has made things 100x worse as he is constantly at home while I work. But the accusations have still been there.
I don’t have any friends as over the years I’ve ended up distancing myself because of my husband. Whenever I would go out it would be accusations, or refusing to have the kids or just being difficult so I just don’t bother anymore. Even if it’s just for dinner with my mum it’s non stop calls and being difficult.
Since being out of work he doesn’t go out socially either. When I would go out socially it would just be for a meal then back at a reasonable hour to avoid any hassle, him on the other hand would go out and get ridiculously drunk.
His drinking and aggression has got worse, to the point of being physical at times, but he is genuinely forgetting this when sober. I’ve tried getting it through to him just how bad it is that he is having drunken blackouts but he just doesn’t seem to care.
On days when he is collecting the kids from school when I’m at work he tries being difficult saying that I have to finish early to pick up the kids, or during the holidays he’ll say I have to take the day off work at short notice because he isn’t having them.
I might not have the greatest job, but it’s still my job and I don’t want to mess people around by going off at short notice. When I tell him this he says I don’t want any time off work because I can’t stand to be away from the person I’m meant to be having an affair with (currently someone who is younger than me and I don’t even speak to). Whenever there is a man working there I get accused of having an affair with them, even sometimes people who don’t even exist. He speaks in vulgar ways about things I’m meant to have done with them.
I met my husband when I was 16 and did say things that I had done with other people before I met him showing off, this is always thrown in my face, despite things that he’s done over the years.
I’ve never had an affair, and if he thought so lowly of me he shouldn’t have married me and had kids.
Whenever he becomes aggressive and argumentative (and physical) like last night he turns it around on me when I’m trying to avoid speaking with him the next day. He always makes it out to be my fault even though I know it’s not.
It’s got to the point where I hate him and have done for a while. I just wish he would leave, or die.