Pleeese help

[Lemmeavebru]

I heard a ted talk today and it basically says not to trust your thoughts in times of crisis because you tend to over think and analyse things and it adds to your unhappiness; It's better to just feel and tell others honestly about what's happening and how you feel. They'll be better judges. Sooo...

I have had a crush on a school gate dad for over a year and a half. I think it might be mutual but I'll let you decide. My feelings actually intensified when I thought he was reciprocating. We're both married. We haven't even talked to one another and pretend to ignore each other while secretly admiring each other. (I know, totally teenage sickly stuff). I feel ashamed about this. Really tried to ignore him and thought this crush will soon fade but it hasn't yet. I think for me these feelings are comforting and it keeps me from feeling depressed because things aren't good at home; and I don't mean temporarily on the rocks but horrible from the beginning. But...crush is happily married with a beautiful wife. Whenever she comes to pick the kids up he's always there with her and, I swear, he gives me a smirk which probably means look at my gorgeous wife you're nothing compared to her or look at me aren't I lucky. It makes me sick and actually makes me feel even more depressed and ashamed of myself.

This happened recently when I had been trying really hard for the past few weeks to ignore him. Finding a totally different route or standing in a position which would mean our paths would definitely not pass and he won't see me and I him. It did work. Whether he's alone or with his wife I've managed to evade him. But it seems that he changed his route deliberately a couple of times so I would notice him. He had that smirk again when he was with his wife.

I feel so low and depressed fighting this battle day in day out that Iactually felt worthless and seriously thought about putting an end to this miserable life of mine. I wish I never laid eyes on him. I wish I wasn't into him then it wouldn't bother me.

Please please help me mumsnetters ...

Ok FuckIt. The reason for starting the thread is to, as you say 'start owning my life' and get over this ridiculous infatuation. I do believe that I should stop fantasizing about a stranger I know nothing about. I know I am projecting and it's because of my own feelings and nothing to do with him. I have been telling myself that there's nothing going on and it's stupid. But... I'm not making things up when I say he does all these things. There are lots of other examples that have happened where I think it's not just me but I won't write it down and dwell because it does seem that I'm holding on to a fantasy and need to let go and understand that it might be innocent on his part.

I do appreciate every post and I am thinking about them even if it seems hurtful. I do need to hear the truth. That's what I've come here for.

Ok op so listen to what the majority are saying then? You seem convinced that this random fancies you , you want it to be true and are looking for any sign to support this , no matter how small.
The bloke that tried to snog me at the works do , absolutely was convinced I’d been “giving him the eye for 12 months” when this absolutely was not true!

You are focusing on him because you THINK he is admiringly staring at you and also because on a couple of occasions he took the same/similar route to you , there could be so many reasons for this! The facts are:

1. he hasn’t spoke to you
2. he smiles when he is with his wife.

You should get out of your marriage and look for someone who is available that you fancy and strikes up a convo with you.