Feeling pestered by a family member

[Conflicted1]

Just that really.

I'm trying to go low contact with one specific family member who's a royal pain but they're not taking the hint. The more I pull away the more they call and text then get the hump when I'm not interested in chit chatting with them on a daily basis.

What's the least offensive way of telling them to leave me be, without causing a problem?

My DM is aware of my desire to go lc so she has been telling this relative I've been busy, relative then gets the hump with DM for "lying"

For context it's extended family, not a parent or sibling.

Just be unavailable and tell your mum not to comment on it.

Make sure you phones know their number and don't pick up when they call.

It is difficult. I'm currently politely ignoring a family friend who constantly sends Facebook messages - it's a constant stream of mindless shit which I never respond to, but yet it keeps coming.

All I can suggest is to stand your ground and ignore as many calls as possible; answer a set number per week and hopefully they will eventually adjust to the new status quo!

They have MH problems and have been known to turn up at unsociable hours when I've made myself unavailable on the phone.

I've had their number blocked before but it does little by way of stopping voicemails and emails etc

I've got a young DS and they've turned up at my door at night time posting things through the letterbox when I've tried to ignore them previously.

I've made excuses about being very busy, having things to contend with etc but they are extremely clingy

Oh Lord sounds like it may take some plain talking then. They sound awful!

Maybe something like "I can talk to you on this day, at this time, and see you at this other date/time"? A regular date in the calendar may be needed....

They really are

I find myself constantly wondering whats coming next. They're known to get a bit spiteful when they fall out with people.

We've had a few days planned to meet but I keep cancelling as I really don't want to deal with them. I'm probably not helping myself at all

That's not really fair.
They have probably already p'd
Off every one else so will be desperate for company.

Frank talking is the only way.

No that's not working for me.

No I can't do that.

And repeat.

Can you tell ypur mum to tell them that you have a lot going on and really need space.

Tell them to fuck off and then block. The time for subtlety is long since over.

Arranging to meet and cancelling repeatedly is really unfair on them and is sending very mixed messages. Either follow through with meetings (and perhaps do as a pp said and say you can only speak at this time each week) or don’t make them. If this person is behaving this way because of their mental health problems then they are not responsible for it and you are being cruel to keep stringing them along like like that. You are obviously not obliged to remain in contact with someone just because they’re unwell, that would be silly, but if they are unwell they’re likely to have less capacity to understand they’re being phased out and so arranging a meeting with them is going to make them think you still want contact. It’s understandable in the circumstances that that they are still trying, they must be very confused.

Aquamarine has it. These people won't take hints.

Be totally blunt and unequivocal. "Fuck off and leave me alone" should do it. If you say things like "another time", or "busy right now" they will keep clinging on for more. So don't.

As for coming round to your house and putting stuff through the letterbox, that sounds creepy as fuck. It is possibly even harassment.

You’re making things worse by arranging to meet then cancelling, you must see that? This is very unfair on someone with MH problems.

"Sorry relative but I won't be seeing anyone from my family dysfunction."
Relative: But they're you're faaaaaamly! Why?????
Me: I'd rather not discuss it.

Job done.

It's painful to have to let go of family but when they are still mired in the dysfunction it's the only healthy way.

@SabineUndine

Unfortunately vulnerable family members are often used as collateral by abusive individuals. OP has to look out for herself first and foremost.

I went through something similar last year and I really sympathise. The person wanted way more than I could give (was determined to be 'besties') but I couldn't really cut the ties due to family situation.
I put boundaries in place and now meet up about 3-4 times per year but it took about 1.5 years to get the message across , .. I stopped seeing them for awhile when things were really difficult.
My person is nice but very misguided and needy, they have moved on now too. I find the situation much easier to handle now. Good luck OP.

I had this situation with someone..not family. They would call and if l didn't answer l would look out and they would be outside my house walking up and down. It was horrific. In the begining l was too nice. I would meet for coffee but when l decided after an hour l have to go now they would get into a huff. I ended up avoiding places in case l bumped in to her. On a few occasions my dh was very straight saying you cannot call to our home without us setting it up or if she was here for dinner saying " its time to go now" but she just persisted.Eventually l had to do the cruel thing and cut off completely as my own mental health was suffering. Its now 15 years but if l see her in the street l want to run. She did have mental health issues but l had to protect myself.