Need legal advice re separation please!!

[Anotheridiot]

Hi everyone

I’m trying to separate from DH. To cut a very long story very short, DC’s avoid him, he is very strict and uncompromising, likes to be incontrol. He always criticises me, I work really hard, 4 dc, studying full time plus part time work. DH also works very hard, full time plus renovations on our home.
Anyway, we have been going round in circles for years, I feel shit about myself, he never has anything nice or positive to say to me. He kicked off again this morning as I apartently need to get off my arse and do some work, I can’t do this anymore, my 4 yr old dd told me she knows I’m crying cos daddy shouted at me!

What are my rights?

I can’t afford the mortgage alone, house is not habitable with dc. I have found a rental and could afford it.

Do I still have to pay half Mortgage and bills?

Sorry for spelling mistakes, been drinking wine

You'll have to sell the house and use half your settlement unless he buys you out, unless he stays in the house and pays the full mortgage in lieu of maintance I think

Have you spoken to him about your intentions? Do you think he will want to share looking after the children given you both seem to have full time commitments? When you say the house is not habitable, I'm assuming it is as you live there now, do you mean you can't do the work it needs? If you left, does he earn enough to pay all the mortgage and bills on the family home and pay some money for the children and will you earn enough to pay rent and bills for a rental?

Sorry I wasn’t clear.
We are currently staying with my parents due to the renovation.
I have tried speaking to him but he just shouts and has threatened to smash our house up rather than let me have any equity

and no, he won’t share looking after the children.
I plan my work and study around them

Hi OP, sorry things are tough for you atm. It’s got to be quite fraught for all of you living with your parents. Might things improve after your hose is ready to move into?

Re separation, housing etc, the kids needs are the most important, and then there’s the length of marriage, your ages etc in terms of finance.

Have a look at the Matrimonial Causes Act section 25. This is what is used as a guide and tells you what is taken into consideration.

He's abusive. Get all your paperwork and go and see a solicitor.

I would get into the house on your own, and take some very clear photo of the condition.

I’m not a lawyer, but I would think that if he deliberately devalues the house, you’d have a good argument to ask a judge to give you the agreed % of the value of the house before he trashed it.

Thanks everyone

Things are definitely worse staying at my parents and I do keep telling myself things will get better. The thing is there is always something, some excuse for his shitty behaviour. I know deep down we will never be really happy together.

He seems to always look for the negatives. I took my youngest dc to our house the other day and did a bit of painting, not easy to entertain her in a partial building site! DH called after work when he arrived there and the first thing he said we that the painting I had done had loads of lines in it and now he would have to rub it all down. I feel like I can’t win, everything I do is wrong.
We have 4 dc, they need looking after, he seems to think they should entertain themselves or sit and watch tv in a cluttered bedroom whilst I help him dig trenches or plasterboard ceilings. Dcs behaviour has deteriorated, they are all unsettled, especially the younger 2. My parents won’t look after them as they can’t handle behaviour and think I should smack them.
My dad has been helping work on the house.
I have been ill with stress for the first time in my life. I keep telling DH to have a night off, as his friends or family for help, take it easy etc. He then tells me I am pushing him to get the house ready, I’m not. It’s like he is incapable of listening to what I actually say, he just hears what he wants.

If I try and talk to him about it he just blamed me, tells me I’m blaming him, shouts at me, tells me to fuck off, says he is going to fuck off for the weekend and I end up crying. He just walks off leaving me in tears, he talks over me preventing me from sticking up for myself.

I’m exhausted with it all.

Next time he says hes fucking off for the weekend, tell him to go ahead because hes not making life any easier.

If you can find somewhere to rent in your name and can afford it then do it.
You are not leaving the marital home and your mental health is far more important than anything else. If you go down who will your kids have in their corner?
Do it.

Women’s aid, freedom programme. He is totally out of order and you do not have to put up with this shit; crucially your children should not be around this kind of relationship. Gather paperwork (copies of bank statements, deeds, pension info etc), see a solicitor and move into that rental. Half the equity in the property belongs to you - he won’t be giving it to you, it’s yours already.