In a relationship but have fallen for a different guy. What do I do?

[anonymouscat]

I’m in a relationship, and have recently attended a two week training course. There, I met a guy in my group and at first I thought yeah, he’s attractive, but I’ve gotten to know him and somewhere between first meeting him and finishing the course I think I’ve fallen for him. Obviously, I’m in a relationship, and this has never happened before so naturally my brain has gone into panic mode because I don’t know what to do. My course has finished, and after this there’s realistically no way I’ll see him again but half of me was wishing he’d ask for my number. I hate that I’m feeling this way in a long term relationship. Is it normal? What do I do? I’m really looking for nonjudgmental help right now.

How long have you been with your DP, maybe you're not wanting to be in a relationship anymore? You're going to meet people you're attracted to all through your life, you don't just "fall" for someone, you allow yourself to.

your*

We’ve been together for 3 years now, I’ve known him for 4. I’m 21, we live together, but sometimes I find myself reflecting on our relationship. I’m happy, and he’s happy, but I’m young, and still trying to navigate my life.

Honestly it sounds like you need your freedom back, play the field a bit or whatever. 18 is very young to settle down for the rest of your life imo

Simple - end the relationship if you feel this way. I have seen/met attractive people but never felt that I have 'fallen' for them. I think this feeling indicates that the relationship isn't as fulfilling as you would like it to be. If you're not married it's not that complicated.

My course has finished, and after this there’s realistically no way I’ll see him again

You met someone attractive. You're never going to see them again.

Smile, and wave at the memories.

And then don't leave your partner of 3 years over it, unless you have a statement of definite interest from this other guy, and he's logistically practical to meet up with on a regular basis.

From your post you seem happy with your relationship. The phrase "Bird in hand = two in bush" springs to mind.

Another vote for end it. I really don't want to sound patronising, and I know I will, but at 18/21, you are so very young. The number of people who stay happily settled (these days) with their partner from when they were 18 is absolutely tiny.

I got married at 20. Too young, wouldn't be told. Divorced at 21.

I thought I loved him. Looking back, I really didn't. I've only truly loved my ex from 3yrs ago. Not even Gérard Butler would have turned my head so if yours is being turned, I would say the relationship isn't going to last anyway, maybe cut your losses now instead of postpone the inevitable?

From your post you seem happy with your relationship. The phrase "Bird in hand = two in bush" springs to mind.

really? From her posts I got that she wants some freedom back and to not be in a relationship. She's been with this guy since she was 18, early 20's are about getting out and about and having fun I think, plenty of time for settling down later

And then don't leave your partner of 3 years over it, unless you have a statement of definite interest from this other guy, and he's logistically practical to meet up with on a regular basis.

To my mind, this is terrible advice. There is a whole world of opportunities for you out there, there is absolutely no need to hang onto one relationship until you are sure a replacement has come along.

I would take this interest as a sign that you are not fully happy in your current relationship. That is no big deal, you are both adults, say goodbye and go on your way rejoicing.

Discover what else the world has to offer you. All the best.

Tbf if you’re getting your head turned you should just end the relationship , how would you feel if your DP was feeling as you describe.

I wouldn’t try and seek out the guy from the course either , he may not even be single for one and also it’s healthier that you be single for a while especially at such a young age. Go out and enjoy life

“To my mind, this is terrible advice. There is a whole world of opportunities for you out there, there is absolutely no need to hang onto one relationship until you are sure a replacement has come along.”

Well yeah, not to mention the feelings of the poor bloody DP she would be deciding she’ll “settle” for!

FGS, OP, don’t string your BF along on the basis he’s Mr Right Now - if you have any genuine feelings for him you’ll let him go so he can find someone who actually loves him back.

"I'm in a happy 3yr relationship, and Brad Pitt came round to where I was working for a week. I feel bad cos I fancied Brad Pitt."

Off the back of that y'all would say "Dump your boyfriend"? Really?

Sethis
When you’re wishing “Brad” would pass you his number, and you’re having periodic doubts about your relationship anyway then yes - you need to let the BF go.

Off the back of that y'all would say "Dump your boyfriend"? Really?

Absolutely. Just the fact that you are considering someone else, it's a sign

How would you feel if your partner was dancing other people but settling for you, for now ?

No idea where that dancing came from.

I meant to say settling

Hi, thank you for all your replies. Let me just say, in no way am I condoning settling/remaining with someone until you find someone else who catches your eye. I posted this to ask was it normal to get crushes/or infatuated with others while being in a relationship. But as I also mentioned, realistically nothing will progress between me and aforementioned person, so more or less it’s just a way for me to get opinions on the matter

21 is much too early to settle down! Are you planning on being with dp for the next 60 years???