Is there any point?

[FranticallyPeaceful]

I love my partner, and he’s amazing when he’s home - the problem is, he’s only home one day a week.
We have a 5 month old, 7 year old and 12 year old. Everything before has always worked and he’s not always worked away, he got this job about 4 years ago and everything was okay - not ideal that he worked away, but we were fine. We planned another baby and once I became pregnant it just came crumbling down, I couldn’t stand being alone but he still worked away every week. It caused so many arguments and I was so lonely and depressed. Then baby was born, he didn’t even ask for paternity leave and he left when baby was a week old and I just melted down. It was so difficult, I got sepsis (and he still went to work when I had sepsis), son had seizures (and he still went to work). I’ve gotten by and we are doing fine, but it’s just so difficult and lonely.
I’ve talked to him about this and he promises to get his cv out and find another job but he just... doesn’t. He won’t do it. I don’t know why but he’s been saying he will for over a year now and he just won’t. He could work here for awhile if he asked, but again, he won’t.

I’m beginning to think this is just the end for us, but I’m not sure if it’s ridiculous given I’m leaving him because I’m lonely and to leave him will only make me more lonely?

I really don’t know what to do. He’s amazing and I truly love him but I’m just becoming more and more distant with him because of this.

Any advice?

So he could be working closer to home but he won't? This makes no sense to me.. Do you think he enjoys only having a part time family?

I suspect you would feel less lonely if you left as you wouldn't have the experience of being deserted every week. have you told him how serious this has got?

I’d suggest couples counselling, so that when you voice your concerns your partner can’t just ignore them. The counsellor will mediate for you, and you may at last get some answers from your partner as to why he wants to be away so much and why he doesn’t care about your distress or prioritise your needs.
You may find that he has already checked out of your relationship and/or has another woman at his job location, but if this is so it’s better that you find out sooner than later.
As for being lonely if you divorce him - well, you’re lonely now. Being free to seek happiness elsewhere is probably a better deal.
I hope it was just thoughtlessness on his part, and that he will be shocked by the thought of you leaving, into putting more effort into his marriage - but I fear this is unlikely. Sorry, OP.

@hamabr86 possibly true. I don’t understand it either. He might just not want to rock the boat but he was rocking it at home instead by not being relocated for awhile so I don’t know at all. I’m just exhausted thinking about the reasons now

@Babdoc I’ve asked him if he has somebody else before and he just says no. The thing is he’s the type of person to lie about something until it’s absolutely proven without any doubt.
I won’t go into it fully but at one point in the past he was living a totally different life (not involving cheating or anything weird) and only found out when something big happened. It’s a long story, but NOBODY knew.
Do I think he’s cheating? Probably not. But is he absolutely capable of lying about it if he did? Yes, definitely. And unfortunately I don’t think couples therapy would make him tell the truth about anything, he just says what he thinks people want to hear - or I’d be there for sure.

I’ve threatened to leave before and he begs me not to, he says things will change etc... but absolutely nothing does.

We live a relatively peaceful life other than this, and I feel I have to bite my tongue a lot as I don’t want him to have a bad experience at home and give him more reason to be away... so I try to make saturdays as nice as possible, but this way things are easily buried

Well he is certainly NOT amazing.
What does he do that 1 day a week he is home???
I'd be very interested to know.
It's the worst feeling in the world, being so utterly lonely in a relationship.
You have nothing to lose by splitting up with him.
Do you have family and friends around you for support?

Does he not at least seem to miss the kids? We see my DP's kids more than this and we only have 1 weekday evening and EOW. Its not enough and if we have to swap weekends for whatever reason, so there's a longer gap, he hates it.

There's no way you could be a good father / husband in that time imo.

Sorry but I think there’s only one way to solve this and that is to kick him out. You are already parenting on your own, other than money what does he actually bring to the family? Your lonely and miserable and I would be too. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he has another life somewhere else, he has shown you that he can not be trusted. Surely being completely on your own is no worse than this? Tbh it would be better as you wouldn’t need to worry about what he’s up too.

Can you give him a deadline? If you are not home more days a week by xxx then we need to split because I'm too lonely?

he sounds really selfish, off living his own life and a dad once a week? Fuck that, you both had these kids. I would give him an ultimatum and stick by it

I think being lonely in a relationship is a million times worse than being ‘on your own’ actually OP. I would make some plans for how separation would work so it feels like a realistic option to you and then issue an ultimatum for the changes you need, with time limits.

You do have to be prepared to see it through though, no point saying it if you don’t really mean it but it doesn’t sound as if you can carry on as you are

The fact that he doesn't miss you all enough to be jumping through hoops to get a different job is really bad tbh. I don't think I could stay in a relationship like that so I'd say LTB or at least do what a pp has said and give him a deadline, but a short one.