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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When do I take off the ring

4 replies

Cath2907 · 12/10/2018 13:56

Been married 12 years. This weekend I asked DH to move out after many years of us both being pretty miserable. No one has done anything utterly awful, no abuse - he has been miserable, voluntarily unemployed, depressed and taking the piss and I got tired of it.

I get the impression he thinks this is a temporary thing and once we've had a bit of space we can resume where we left off. He is being very accommodating about doing school pick ups and taking DD swimming after school and out for tea tonight. We are being quite pleasant and friendly to one another for a few minutes when he drops off DD. However it isn't temporary. I am feeling much much better, less tired, less stressed and more like the old me. I want a divorce and have started looking into it. I am not going to spell it out yet as I need to be away for work next week and I am concerned he'll refuse to look after DD if he realises we won't be playing happy families when I get back.

So when do I remove the ring?? Do I wait until I've told him and he has accepted it? What about taking it off when I am away and then telling him when I get back?? I want it off - feels like a promise I no longer feel I need to honor sort of sitting on my finger goading me!

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 12/10/2018 14:03

You want it off, take it off.

If he notices you can tell him why. You are under zero obligation to wear it i you don’t want to.

I just put mine back on after 6 months. Although I was pregnant and puffy.

Musti · 12/10/2018 14:08

I'd take it off when you go away and tell him when you get back. No point rocking the boat until you get back. It's just a metal band once the meaning behind it has gone.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/10/2018 14:08

When you are ready. It’s your choice, nobody else’s.

DogDayMorning · 12/10/2018 15:29

I took my ring off gradually. First, whenever I was away from home (but not for work); then I moved it to the other hand but moved it back for work; then I put it away permanently (including for work) once I had finally shagged someone new. That weird process just felt right to me at the time, and no boats were rocked. It's your ring and only your choice.

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