Exaggerating to make people feel bad, leading to resentment

[Hopskipjumping]

My partner had a tendency to dramatise situations to make me feel bad. At first I would roll my eyes and accept his exaggerations but now it's leading to pure resentment. I don't understand it as when he or anyone makes a mistake I instinctively comfort them not make them feel worse.

I almosy dont trust him now to confide in as I worry about the repercussions.

Examples-

Im late. I'll text saying sorry im going to be late. Hes also late but I don't know this. He texts back saying ive been waiting 5 minutes already when he really hasn't left the house.

I accidentally do something "incorrectly" he pulls me up on it dramatically. Tells me ive broken it. Turns out its not broken at all.

I mess up and get drunk one time. Confide in him that im scared I embarrassed myself and whilst im worried he starts freaking out telling me he will need to reactivate his facebook to see if anyone is talking about me or has any video evidence of me making a fool of myself as its embarrassing for him too.

Basically dramatising everything.

He says he over reacts and apologises but I hate him for it.

Is he exaggerating to make people feel bad or just gaslighting you for his own entertainment?
He doesn't like you , no one does that to a friend never mind a partner that they claim to.love.
He sounds horrible.

Someone who gets a kick out of another person's pain is a sadist by the way.

He sounds horrible. He sounds like he's trying to fuck with your head.

I'd question the longevity of any relationship where someone can post the words "I hate him for it".

Get out, OP.

I wonder what he will do when you are sick and need his support. Or when pregnant and he needs to step up?

There’s another reason he could be doing it.... that he has a history of not being believed so exaggerates in the first instance to try and shock people into acting or even commenting (might have had a history of being ignored also).

Do his family lie like this? Does he tell other lies or just exaggerate?

It may have started as a cry to be heard or be acknowledged (in his family or previous friends, not saying it’s you) and now a bad habit.

It's difficult. In some ways he is so supportive. He encourages me to try my best, supports me financially and tells me how im an inspiration to him and our kids.

Sometimes I feel like he think I think I am perfect (im not) and therefore loves when I mess up. Im organised and motivated and will make sure he contributes around the house etc so sometimes I feel like he likes to remind me im not perfect.

My close family believes he does it as he wants to feel needed. It messes with my head and makes me so angry but then he can be really needy and loving too and I start to feel bad.

The fact he gets anxious over what people think when you were drunk also points to anxiety. He sounds like he is overly invested in what people think so perhaps he’s using exaggeration to try and control situations.

sometimes I feel like he likes to remind me im not perfect

That's still a horrible thing to do to someone you love

So he builds you up, tells you you're perfect, and an "inspiration" but then makes you feel bad when he has the chance. Plus he's needy.

Ugh, he sounds absolutely toxic.

He said the reason he does it is because he doesn't believe I react appropriately. Like when I done something incorrectly insteD of saying btw you done that incorrectly he will say you've broken this by doing it incorrectly. He said he felt that if he didn't exagerate I wouldn't react. I knew I hadn't broken it however so it just makes me angry.

he doesn't believe I react appropriately

This is really controlling.

You don't react how he wants you to react so he deliberately exaggerates/lies to make you feel bad so you react in the way he wants you to.

I physically couldn't be with someone that uncaring, selfish, myopic and manipulative.

Yes, could also be just controlling.

MIL will exaggerate illness in people to try and make us visit them. Once you’re on to this type (the lies always come out on the end) it makes you less inclined to believe anything they say though!

My DP does this. We work together as well and I'll ask what he has on today and he'll reel off this massive list of stuff that really doesn't need doing but it makes it sound like he's SOOOOOO busy.

I don't think he does it deliberately though. I think his mind takes a small problem, and totally runs off with it, you can see it clearly bothers him, and he does get stressed about all this imaginary (ok it's stuff that needs doing but like one day not right now) work he has to do.

Especially when things get broken, it could be worth a couple of pence and somehow we're suddenly bankrupt! 😂

I kind of treat it as though a toddler is kicking off becuase their biscuit broke, to them it is a catastrophe, you can't take that away, but you also can't play up to it.

I'll text saying sorry im going to be late. Hes also late but I don't know this. He texts back saying ive been waiting 5 minutes already when he really hasn't left the house

That's not exaggerating or dramatising, though, it's outright lying to make you feel shit. Why is he trying to slap you down like that?

Isn't this a sign of Borderline? All or nothing sort of thinking?

It’s not just exaggerating though is it? He’s lying. I couldn’t live with a liar like that. Maybe seek counselling so they can help him see it’s not ok to be like that

It boils down to the fact that he is a liar. You can’t trust him to confide in because you don’t know how he is going to twist it.
No trust= no relationship.

Let him know this is deal breaker territory.
I wouldn’t say an ultimatum as that would just be more accusations of the quality of your responses (when it is really his responses ).

Apologies are fine but he is not changing the behavior. Apologies then become hollow lip service: no value.

Imho, this relationship has run its course. Sorry.

Don’t have a child with someone like this because he’d do the same to a child (who won’t have the power to call him on it).