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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend changed his mind about living with me..

9 replies

Cuksot11 · 12/10/2018 12:11

I'm looking for a bit of advice. Currently my and my boyfriend are going through a bit of a rough patch (not long, the past 2 weeks). About 6 months ago my boyfriend suggested we start looking to move in together and it's only recently we've properly strated looking. The other day we found the perfect rental property and we went to put an offer in on it however he told me he thought our relationship was now unstable and I ended up having to withdraw the offer.

A bit of background - we're both in our mid 20s and we've been together about a year now. I'd say the relationship is amazing. He's caring, kind, funny, everything I want and we get on like a house on fire. However we've had a big trust issue where an ex has tried to cause trouble in the past, something we've both worked on getting over. He's been crazy about me from the start but now something seems different. I know trust is a huge part of a relationship but it takes a long time and a lot of patience to rebuild right? Everyone has rough patches and I know recently we also questioned whether the spark was still there. I truly think it is, we still have fun, we still love each other and enjoy each others company so I think it was a silly conversation to have.

I'm really worried now that because he's changed his mind about moving in together it'll mean something more. Is it just a nerves thing where it isn't the right time because of other issues or does it mean now it's real, he doesn't see a future with me?

OP posts:
IsTheRainEverComingBack · 12/10/2018 12:14

Honestly, I think it’s too soon for you to be moving in and he’s right to put the breaks on. Ex’s don’t cause problems in strong relationships, it sounds like in a year you’ve already wobbled a lot and that’s not great. I’d step back from the extra commitment for another year and enjoy being together for now.

Gemini69 · 12/10/2018 12:16

I think he has been correct to slow the process down.. I'm sure you'd rather be moving in together happy and settled than insecure and him leaving... I'd say don't panic just yet... but sort through the 'bad patch' and see where the next few months take you both Flowers

Musti · 12/10/2018 12:22

No rush to move in. Enjoy your time together and see if you can get over your issues

ElspethFlashman · 12/10/2018 12:27

recently we also questioned whether the spark was still there

After a year??! You should not even be having that conversation after a year. You should still be at it like rabbits.

I'm afraid the spark is gone for him.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 12/10/2018 13:18

Yar after a year the spark should unquestionably still be there. What were the trust issues with the ex? Was he or is he still in contact with her?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2018 13:58

Who's ex are you talking about? Yours or his? And what have they done?

dirtybadger · 12/10/2018 14:15

I would say wait 6 months and see how he feels. It might just be a bit too soon, especially if you've recently had a bit of a difficult spell.

Trinity66 · 12/10/2018 15:14

He's made the right choice I'm afraid

poglets · 12/10/2018 15:37

He's making the right choice for himself and you. If he's not ready then it will be a massive waste of your time just down the line. Tell him that's fine, don't react and see if you can get your relationship on track. Don't rush to move in with people - enjoy living independently and all the benefits that brings.

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