Is he up to something?

[MeMeMeOverHere]

My OH is obsessed with his phone. He takes it everywhere and hides what he's doing on it. He works late, goes to the office on weekends and stays overnight at his friends some weekends. He runs errands that should take 10 minutes but is away 30 minutes or so. He's irritated and just seems miserable. I've asked and asked if there's someone else but he said no. I think he's lying. Do you agree?

On the face of it, from what you’ve shared, first instinct is to say yes. However, how far away is work to warrant over night? What discipline is work in (ie some accountants pull over nighters at quarter close/year end) plus they can get very stressed.

However, is he’s not in one of these fields, then these long hours/extra hours - first alarm

Second alarm - why is he going away for eeekebds without you? If you live together/married, then this would be second alarm.

Third alarm is following on from above ring phone privacy/mood.

Time for serious discussion and allow you to see phone to avoid gaslighting situation.

Best of luck OP. Hope you’ll write back that he’s an accountant or similar.

Does it matter?

You’re clearly not happy with his behaviour.

You’ve not mentioned children or your housing situation, if you have no children and can sort out the housing situation, I’d suggest you get out of the relationship and move on.

I wouldn't trust him at all.

When he spends the night away from home, how far away is he? Do you have children at home?

All familiar signs that my ex did when he had an affair....except for the irritated miserable part. My ex was the nicest he's ever been....guilt.

On the other hand your dh could be overworked and stressed.

Shit place to be.
It was months before I found out for sure. I just believed I would find out eventually which I did...quite unexpectedly and without any stalking or investigating on my part.

Sorry you're feeling in this position and hope it's not an affair. Are you still having sex?

@AdoreTheBeach he's none of those a normal office type job. We've got a house in his name and 4 children. I'm not happy but I haven't been for years. It's the children needing both of us around why I've stayed as long.

I did the same.
Eventually came to the crunch and we are all so much better off! Children, me and ex!

If you are doubting him then leave, it does your self esteem no good. All of the things he's doing are red flags

OP are you married?

sounds exactly like when my husbsnd was having an affair.

Don't make the mistake of staying together because you think it's best for the children. I have four DC, all grown up now, and I stayed for years in an unhappy marriage. My DC tell me now that from a very young age they knew we were not suited (they don't know the detail of how very abusive their dad was but do know he was probably an alcoholic) and say they all wished for years that we would just split up so everyone could be happy.

Does sound like my DH when he was cheating. With hindsight!

Oh OP. Certainly sounds like Ann affair, especially on top of your update that you’ve not been happy for years, were staying for the children. If you’ve been unhappy, surely he has as well.

Are you married? You say the house is in his name. If you’re married, it may still be a marital asset. I’d suggest you see a solicitor to know where you stand and prepare yourself. You may or may not decide to take the first steps, but please do get prepared. Do remember, the best defence is a good offence.

Best of luck to you, 💐

I am going to assume you aren't married.

He is possibly cheating. But either you are both miserable and staying together for the kids isn't a good idea.

If I was miserable in a relationship and my partner was too and we were just existing, I can imagine I (and lots of people) would look elsewhere. That doesn't make cheating ok. But I can see how his head would be turned. The right course would be the end the relationship before starting anything else.

Living like this is not good or healthy for anyone. Including the kids.

You need to start planning for what happens if you split.

My parents stayed together for years when we all knew they were unhappy. Do your kids a favour and leave.

Jesus. I hope you’re married.

Sounds like he’s up to something. Are u married do u work?

Certainly sounds like something is going on.

My OH is obsessed with his phone.

He takes it everywhere and hides what he's doing on it

He works late, goes to the office on weekends

stays overnight at his friends some weekends

Do you know where he works? Could you verify that he's actually working?

He runs errands that should take 10 minutes but is away 30 minutes or so.

We've got a house in his name and 4 children.

Not married? I see why you're stuck and unhappy. Unless you can prove you've contribute...the house is his.

How is your relationship?
Are you close as a couple? Do you have a good physical relationship? Is he involved in family life with the kids?

Do you work?

Do you ever get to socialise? Do you stay at friends houses overnight?

I suggest you start investing time in yourself.

Look good. Get fit or stay fit.

Get out of the house. Live your life and leave him to it.

He's clearly not happy in the relationship and neither are you.

He's irritated and just seems miserable.

I'm not happy but I haven't been for years.

Would you actually be suprised if he was cheating?

@MeMeMeOverHere

What do you mean he hides what he's doing on it?
I'd say that was just an obvious sign of cheating if he has to hide what he's doing on his phone!
Do you ever ask him what he's hiding when he does it?