I cheated

[Plzdontletgo]

been in a healthy long distance relationship for almost 4 years...LOVE her completely..she supported me loved me cared for me and we have seen each other 2 a year for the duration...We decided that I would relocate to start this new life together...one we have dreamed of prayed for & it was all we ever thought of...
2 months before I relocated 7000 miles south to start this NEW life I cheated with a tacky school friend...I am so disappointed and understand I have hurt many...the trust Im told has been broken & I want to rebuild and hang on and dont want her to me go...I made a mistake...I regret..how can I rebuild this...is it rebuildable? someone please give me an indication as to whether this is possible...I REALLY do not want anything else...
Please advise...be brutal she has been with me (& rightly so) VERY SAD & BROKEN

Honestly it's very tricky. People cheat for various reasons - and I've been on both sides of this one.

They aren't happy in their current relationship and can't see how to fix it. It's often an act of subconscious sabotage or a cry for help.

Because they can. They like the thrill and will probably keep doing it.

In hindsight both of these are really game Ender's for relationships because people must be able to trust each other completely.

I think you need to really look inwards as to why you did it. Really analyse your thoughts and then put her needs first when you consider whether being with you would be best for her going forward.

The only way I can see to her trusting you again is if you put her first. All the way, even if it means losing her because you are the one who took the decision to sleep with someone, it's not an accident and you could have stopped at any point but chose not to.

So have a think as to the reason why you did it and then ask yourself whether being with you is best for her?

True love is about putting your partner first. If you do don't that then there's not a chance in hell she'll take you back.

You cheated so your relationship wasn't "healthy" because people in healthy relationships don't cheat.

You did what you wanted to do, got your end away and now that she's done with you, you want her to give you another chance? You don't get to decide that, only she can.

Almost ever sentence here starts "I". It's all about what you want, what you need. If she's ended it, respect her decision and leave her alone.

Does she want to stay with you?

Www.survivinginfidelity.com

Is a good place to get aquainted with.

Sounds like you're the "tacky" one

Why was she "tacky"?

Learn the lesson and move on. You have no right to a second chance when it comes to fidelity. If you are given one count yourself lucky but if you're not you really have no cause for complaint. You cheated, you got caught, she's ended it, serves you right. Now do the decent thing and leave her alone, if there's one thing worse than a cheat it's an ex that won't take the hint and turns into a harasser/stalker.

SandyY2k maybe that's the behaviour you expect from a partner but most people don want or deserve to be cheated on

What does we have seen each other 2 a year for the duration mean?

You've seen each other twice a year for 4 years?

So you've only met 8 times?

Op why did you do it? I'd like to know the other side as I have just had this done to me.

It's really devastating you know. I actually would have tried to work things out with him but he wouldn't talk to me and offered no closure for me so now he has moved out and that's it.

user1483387154

You continue to show your immaturity. Refraining from insults does not equate to condoning cheating. Unfortunately, I can't help if you lack the capacity/ability to comprehend that.

Resorting to insults because you are protected by the anonymity of the internet is a reflection on you more than anything else.

I don't and never have supported cheating in a relationship....that doesn't mean I resort to unhelpful personal insults.

Perhaps you need to take time and reflect on that.

You're moving 7000 miles to live with someone you've met 8 times? Fucking hell, sounds like you've both dodged a bullet TBH.

Set both of you free to shag around while you're young. You've got years to settle down.

Well if you loved her, you wouldn't have slept with someone else. Can't have been something you really wanted. Leave her alone, she deserves someone who is loyal.

Maybe they spent a couple of weeks a time together, loads of people get together after being long distance.

Well if you loved her you wouldn’t of fucked someone else 🤷🏻‍♀️ You had such dis respect for your partner that you went behind there back and had sex with someone else.

Leave the poor lady alone, you can fuck whoever the hell you want now.......

People do actually cheat even when they're in healthy relationships, and when they love people. Cheating happens for so many reasons, even when everything is great in an established relationship.

@Plzdontletgo you calling the school friend tacky is bullshit - don't do that. Don't shift the blame onto them. It's your fault, regardless if they knew about your relationship or not.

Folks saying only meeting someone eight times in the relationship clearly don't have much experience of long distance relationships. This is how lots of them are conducted now because of the reach of the internet.

You need to examine the circumstances of your cheating. Were you drunk, lonely, high, horny, wrong place wrong time -- how did it happen? Did you initiate, did she or was it something that just happened?

I think the way you described the girl you cheated with as 'tacky' says ever such a lot about your attitude to women. I think maybe your girlfriend has discovered things about you just in time.

You cheated and have the cheek to call the other woman 'tacky' ?

It’s only rebuildable if she decides it is.

Tacky school friend? Charming.
Nobody here can indicate whether you have a chance. It depends on your ex's boundaries. If this is one of her boundaries then respect it, don't break it down. Second chances are given so freely sometimes it's expected. But some people are very clear on what they find unacceptable and won't be swayed. Maybe your ex is one of those people.

I'm guessing 7000 miles south is a typo, unless she's a penguin.

You’re attitude to the women you slept with says a lot about you sadly.
I think you’re best of out of this relationship for her sake.
Don’t put your feelings first. Put hers

Woman!