I must be so stupid!

[howoldamI01]

I need help please and probably a slap! I am so angry with myself!
Im a woman of mid fifties who really should know better but...!

I had a relationship of 2 years, crazy, tempestuous, passionate but not liveable with. After I left him it left me drained, wrecked and broken for a while. This ended earlier this year.

I returned to my home town where I meet with an ex who 'has been waiting for me to return', swears his undying love and how much he wants us to be together.
I had very good valid reasons for not wanting to be with him before but because I was feeling so numb and shattered from previous relationship, agreed to see him again! WTF was I thinking??!!
This was about 10 weeks ago, said man has taken his idea and is running with it, we will share a house and live happily ever after.
Until recently I have just gone along with it, truly I didnt have the energy to disagree or change anything, I just felt numb and was living in a fog, but now Im back to my usual self Im thinking what have I done?? :(
He says he cannot cope with another break up from me, last time it nearly finished him but I cant lie to him and pretend everything is wonderful when it isnt. We are so different, he is ready for his pipe and slippers and I am ready to travel the world and never settle down. I told him right from the beginning I was not ready to settle down but...
Words of wisdom please or ideas or a slap? I deserve the lot!
Thanks for bearing with long rant..

You're not stupid at all! Don't be too harsh on yourself. We all do things to get us through difficult times and I guess he seemed like a security blanket after the non sustainable relationship. You made it clear from the start you weren't ready to settle. You have every right to end this and although hard it's his responsibility to move on again. Best to be honest and move forward with your dream

Only advice is do it sooner rather than later, the longer you leave it the worse it will be.

You have to bite the bullet and tell him. You told him you weren't ready to settle down. He sounds very manipulative. Saying he can't cope with another break-up. How dramatic. So you are meant to forego your life for him? Come on, get tough.

Yes you need to end this before he gets too deeper in. Maybe it's time to make those travel plans?

You are not stupid, you gave it a go, it hasn't worked out for you but don't keep him hanging, be honest and tell him it's not for you.

You can’t stay with him just because he doesn’t want another break up. Remind him you said you didn’t want to settle down and call it a day.

Stop being so unkind to yourself for a start
Tell him what you told us, that your vision is different to his, that you are not up for settling down, and that you need to put the brakes on him trying to make you an old lady before your time!
Could you be with him if he stopped pushing for a solid future with you? Get him to slow down and give you a chance to see what’s between you when he’s not pushing for more.
If not , you will need to leave him. You can’t stay just so he doesn’t get hurt, that’s not fair on either of you.

I have to agree with everyone else, bite the bullet and end it sooner rather than later. Don't let him blackmail you into staying in the relationship out of guilt or because he says he wont cope with it.

Just be honest and say it's too much too soon, it's not working for you and you need time on your own

Thanks for all your support.
Ands its true, much fairer to end it very soon, my reluctance comes from so soon having to end the last one which was trauma with a capital T..!

But I have to start putting myself first, im no good to either of us if I dont.
Thanks again for kind words x

He can’t cope with another break up? Pathetic! That’s the risk he took. Much better to do it sooner rather then later.

He sounds a bit manipulative by saying 'he can't cope with another break up'. Best to end now and give the reason that you both want different things.

Oh and you're not stupid! Good luck

Have you considered he is just another flavour of the same shit you had with the tempestuous ex? Someone who is not taking no for an answer and is forcing his way on you, manipulating you, etc?

Just because it's not as overtly drama-laden as the ex you were still reeling from when you met him again doesn't mean that it's not still deeply unhealthy. So, don't feel bad - you are not responsible for this man pinning his hopes on you, and it's fucking weird he has so fast without I gather much in the way of active interest in the same things from you.

Yes I am realising it is control and manipulation in the nicest possible way..!
Overly kind, overly helpful, overly everything just to be an indispensable part of my life, trying very hard to slowly take over and take away my decisions etc - but in such a kind nice way...
Bugger! :/

No NOT bugger! Much more serious than that!

This man is CHILLING. Really, don't be fooled. He is perfectly capable of looking after himself. Don't believe for a minute he is a sweet doddery sort.

Dump him. Don't, for goodness sake, feel bad.

And get some therapy. You're going from one horror story to another xx

Be straightforward with this guy, make it clear that, though you like him, you are not interested in living with anyone and just want to share some good times.

A brief phone call can solve this problem. "I no longer want to date you but I wish you the best."