When you hurt someone, how do you make it better?

[Mademybed123]

I did something incredibly stupid and thoughtless. I didn't mean to make this mistake, I just didn't think and it's hurt someone I care about deeply.

He's saying that he doesn't want to end what we have between us, and O don't either, and he has given me a chance to fix it.

But I know that I devastated him, I betrayed him and he's furious with me for it.

We are still talking, but I feel like I have ruined things.

What can I do? Feeling this guilt and pain is so hard, but walking away isn't an option.

You own it, acknowledge why you did it and you move on. You can't change the past, you can only change the future.

Don't beat yourself up about it, and don't let yourself be beaten with it either.

We all screw up, it's human nature.

Only time can fix it, time to accept what was done, time to move on from it and time to build the trust up again.

But how do I win back their trust and their affection.

I feel like I've broken everything.

Do I just wait it out? Give them time?

Don't push it - let them deal with it in their time and their own way.

If I'm dealing with something, the last thing I want is to feel pressured.

I just so want to walk away.

I can't stand feeling like this, feeling like he's never going to trust me or feel as much for me again.

Maybe if I leave it will be easier? Not having to face him...

why does this hurt so much?

If you don't know the answer to your own question then maybe you're not compatible anyway.

If I greatly upset DP - whether I wanted to admit it or not, I'd know best how to at least try to put things right. That's because I know him, and I know me.

If avoidance was my thing however, Id ask around other people instead of getting on with what I should be doing in the first place.

I just so want to walk away

Yes - best to do what you actually want to do.

I asked what I can do to fix it, and I have done it. That was yesterday, trying to right the thoughtless mistake that I made.

This huge wave of emotion that feels like it's drowning me is because he's been nice about it, and saying that trying to put it right is enough, and owning up to my mistake.

But it's the feeling that despite saying all the right things, perhaps his feelings have changed. And that is what I'm struggling to deal with.

I don't want him to let me off the hook for my actions, i just want him to be able to move on from them and be back where we were. But that is unfair and naive.

It very much depends on what level of thoughtless mistake it was though.

For example, if you forgot to turn up to dinner with his parents leaving him embarrassed then I'm sure it can be resolved but if you got drunk and shagged his best mate he's always going to have a nagging doubt about trust so it may work out better for you both if you walk away.

I'm guessing you've been having an emotional affair with someone else and your partner has found out about it, seen messages, etc?

It really depends on what it was you did. You don't owe us that information, of course, but without it we can't really help.

You may feel like you deserve punishment.
That kind of guilt is usually instilled in people at at young age by patents trying to guilt their kids in to behaving.
However if that's the case you're got 6 weeks of washing the pots or whatever silly but helpful sentence you want to impose.
Don't let your guilt spoil this second chance you've got
Just remind yourself you're got it and be kind and loving to your dp

We all screw up my second cousin was in the dog house for 4 months.
She wanted to run away.

But she played nice ( she'd made a huge error in judgment)
And things settle right back to normal . Her dp had completely forgot all about it now.

But it takes time.

My DH betrayed me. I'm doing my best to forgive him and he's doing absolutely everything in his power to put it right and has been doing for months now. But he actually can't. There's nothing in the world will make it right except maybe time. Time that will perhaps ease my pain and make it seem like a distant memory and something that happened to someone else.

But I don't know whether that will work, even. I can only try and keep working on myself to make sure that I'm in a happy place, with or without him. I can't keep making him responsible for my happiness.