I think my marriage is about to end

[toomuchfaster]

This is really hard to say out loud because I don't want it to be true, but I think DH is going to leave me.
I haven't been happy in my life for several months now and now I feel he no longer has my back but is going to walk away.
I don't want to sound over dramatic, but I can't see a point to life without him and DD. My job sucks the life out of me, but I've kept going to financially support them and now it all seems so meaningless. I don't want to become another statistic.
I have looked into counselling but the waiting list is long and I don't know if he will wait that long.
I don't know what to do.

I am so sorry to hear you are in a bad place!

It really depends where the problems in your relationship stem from. Is your OH actually threatening to leave? Or is that something you’re worried about? Has his behaviour changed?

Either way it sounds like you’re depressed and anxious - have you spoken to your GP or someone supportive in real life?

Sending you

Sorry you are feeling this way. Why do you suspect your relationship is breaking down?

My GP was very dismissive, and not a lot of help. I am seeing someone at work, but she can't actually do anything, just keeps asking me what I want and I want turn the clock back 12 months to when I was happy!
He has said several times that he is done with the whole thing and can't see a future for us. He wants to focus on other things, not me.

Has something changed? Why were you happy then and not now?

A massive situation happened at work in January and I can't get apartment it. I feel he has run out of sympathy and just wants an easy life again.

Away/over it! Not sure where apartment came from.

If you paid for counselling to help you get over/through the work issue and he could see that you were aiming for change, would he see his way to sticking around ?

I hope so! I feel like doing my best is no longer good enough anywhere in my life, but he is the most important thing I need to get sorted.

Ah ok so he’s not being very patient with you. It can take a long time to recover from a traumatic event.

You need to be kind to yourself about this - but also if it’s difficult to get over the problem maybe you need a different therapist? Or medication combined with counselling? It would be worth telling your gp your marriage is at stake because you are depressed.

Have you considered changing jobs? Do you think that would help?

I haven’t really focused on your OH here - forget him for the moment - do you think if you found ways to move on from the trauma you would be happier?

Thank you all but guess I still need to go to work today anyway!

Looking at it like that, I think you're right. I need to get me back first. It's hard, but I need to try. I will email her and see what she says. I've been looking at different jobs, but I'm stuck in needing to earn enough so re-training isn't easy.

I agree with @Sohardtochooseausername but you indicated that your DH/DD are most important to you.

In my experience if we concentrate on NOT making ourself happy and always give to others, they tend to take us for granted and dismiss us.

But if you feel that DH is crucial to you and you have to keep him in your life, then finding ways of bringing him 'round' (counselling to sort your feelings about work issue) might help

I once worked somewhere horrendous and it was that bad I gave it up and went temping on long term assignments and so I'd be tempted to look at that as an option.

We work to live, not the other way round. Even if this doesn't resolve the marriage issues you might feel better in yourself but firstly see your line manager today and be straight with them, perhaps a secondment or something is possible.

Good luck and be kind to yourself

Thank you for your kind words. I tried to ask for help from the lady I've been seeing and she hasn't replied!
I haven't spoken to my line manager, she is very hard line and unsympathetic but I did tell my deputy. Not because I expect her to be able to help, just so someone else knows!
Things have actually got worse again this morning at work, we keep joking about how 'it can't get any worse, and then it does', but it's bloody true!

What's the worst that could happen if you left?

Do you have occupational health at work? Or an EAP?

Employee assistance programme?