I think I’m being emotionally abused. I know that sounds pathetic that I don’t even know but it’s been such a long time with him insisting that he’s not abusive, he would never hurt me, he’s not like that, that he’s calm and nice to everyone, how could he be abusing me... Except, he is.
It’s little things, lots of tiny things and eventually I just can’t take anymore, I blow up, I shout, I slam doors, I have to go into another room to calm myself down. But he’s always so calm, completely calm, even, low voice.
He’s never used my name, never, not even once. Since our child was born he calls me Mummy, despite me asking him not to. I’m not his mother after all. He has no reason why he won’t use my name, he just says he doesn’t use names. But he does. Just not mine. Ever.
He has a child from before we were married. He pays £500/month in maintenance but doesn’t see the child at all. He also will not allow his family to talk about this child in front of him. He refuses to tell me anything about this situation. Denys the child is his, Denys he pays maintenance. It’s very weird. There has been a dna test and he is the father but he denies this, even when the letter was in front of him he said he’s never had a dna test and he only has one child (the one he has with me). Despite his family knowing all about this child and seeing them regularly, I knew nothing until I was pregnant with our child and we had been married for five years. If anyone talks about this child he repeats I only have one child or he pretends that they are talking about the child I have with him. So, fucked up, right?
He constantly tells me I am socially awkward and have no sense of humour. This is kit true, I don’t think so. Before we were together I was always known as the funny one, a good laugh, had lots of friends. He tells all his friends and family that I am socially awkward and hate people. For example we were at a wedding years ago and I was talking to a couple and he came over and said something about why was I talking to them and turned and said sorry she hates people, she’s just pretending not to. I mean wtf, thats weird isn’t it?
He thinks he is absolutely gorgeous and that his whole family are gorgeous. This is one of his favourite subjects and he’ll talk at length about his good looking self and family, thank goodness our child took after him etc. He’ll then say, totally out of the blue, that he doesn’t care about a good body, that I’ve got a pretty face and that’s all that matters. But that’s horrible isn’t it? That’s cruel, I think.
He makes me pay for half of everything and I do all the housework. He will not lift a finger. I am exhausted doing everything and working full time in a professional job. I admit I don’t always look that great, I have a number of chronic illnesses and sometimes I look tired and sore. I might shove my hair in a messy bun and wear clothes that are suited to cleaning and child and animal care, but I’m too busy! If we go anywhere he spends a huge amount of time getting ready and by then I barely have a chance to put on a clean top and brush my hair. He’d never admit it, but he likes it that way, I’m sure he thinks it makes him look even better. We go out as a family maybe a couple of times per year. He doesn’t like to spend time with me. Even in the evenings I have to go to my bedroom after I’ve done the housework and spend the evening there because he likes to sit in the living room. If I try to stay downstairs he just sits on the sofa, staring at a switches off tv and glares at me every so often until I go away. He says this is because he wants some ‘me time’ to relax and watch tv. If I say I want to watch with him he goes off on a rant saying that I don’t like what he likes, that he works so hard and he just wants to relax without me ruining his programmes. He doesn’t sleep in our bedroom he sleeps on the sofa, every night for years. If I ever ask him why he says he didn’t mean to, but he does, it’s literally every night.
He’s a firefighter and if he doesn’t turn a conversation around to how attractive he is, he turns it around to the fire service, what a hero he is, how the court ty burn to the ground were it not for him, how handsome he is in uniform, how his colleagues love him so much, how he’s the hero of the village.
That’s long. Sorry. Even if no one can face reading to the end it’s helped just typing all that out. It feels clearer. He’s actually a horrible person. The thing is no one else sees it, all I hear is how lucky I am to have him, he’s a great guy, popular, fun, kind, so handsome. But I can’t stand him. I’ve got to leave don’t I.