Can I improve this relationship?

[Lionsandtiger]

I've been casually dating a man for six months, we're both divorced several years. Neither of us wanted commitment at the start and we agreed to be exclusive FWB, we both got sti tested before sleeping together etc.

We see each other about once a week. He usually messages me, then I invite him to mine, we have a really fun evening of drinks, films and then sleep together. The sex is great and we sleep cuddling (all the cuddling was initiated by him). Usually in the morning we have sex again then go to work. He messages me later saying how much he enjoys our time together.

This is all great, except recently I've been getting more feelings for him. He is very loving towards me physically and also talks for hours about his hopes and dreams etc, very intimate.

When I discussed my feelings a few weeks ago he was very sweet but said he doesn't want a relationship, then he became even more lovely when we see each other.

I don't really know what to do - can he be faking all the affection he shows me? Why does he confide his secrets and dreams, or am I just a counsellor ? I still date other men, just not sure if he may be falling for me or if I should just end it?

I'm not sure why you say "improve" the relationship, OP, because, from what I can see, it's a really great FWB arrangement - or was, until you decided you wanted more.

He, on the other hand, doesn't want more, it seems - nor should he need to want more if he doesn't want to. That's what a FWB relationship is.

You see, this is why I think they rarely work. Because that urge to merge in a more 'relationshippy' way always seems to trump the integrity of the initial agreement.

I just ask him & tell him how you feel.... no fancying around with it you might get hurt short term but it's better than not knowing.
I had a friend like this years ago almost finished me off emotionally.

The only way you'll find out is to walk away and if he comes back wanting more then you'll know.

Yes you need to speak to him before you become too attached.

Be careful, he may well mean what he says! Sometimes when men know they've been explicit about not having feelings for you it's like they don't need to worry about leading you on, so they're free to just enjoy the "girlfriend experience" without holding back. It could be that he feels comfortable being affectionate and cuddly (because who doesn't enjoy that?) precisely BECAUSE there's no fear of the "L" word cropping up.

I'd take him at his word on this one.

It's purely sex OP, he has told you even after you confessed feelings that he did not want a relationship, this is exactly why I don't believe these FWB arrangements work out very well for most women. Personally I'd be looking for someone that can offer me more than his penis, all very nice for him, comes to yours, gets fed, a bit of TV then his end away and then cya in the morning, it's bound to become dissatisfying after a while, ok not for everyone but honestly, I'd take his actions as a sign he is never going to be into me the way I'd like and move on.

I think you need to be strong and end it. If he understands and walks away it isn't meant to be. I think he'll do that based on what you said. He's happy how things are, doesn't want more. But you do. It's hard to have that kind of relationship without intimacy - and by that I mean the care, cuddling, talking etc, and inevitably one side falls for those characteristics. He hasn't I'm afraid. But it sounds like that's what you need - a proper relationship where you feel special and don't have to worry about feeling insecure.

Thanks. I suppose I have been hoping that the affection and long chats etc may have meant he was developing feelings too. I suppose if I knew for sure he doesn't want more then I would put more effort into my other dating.

I was very happy with the situation for the first few months but recently it's felt too much for me. I guess I need to ask him.