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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New normaility so hard :(

6 replies

Highrise88 · 10/10/2018 17:19

So I made a thread a while ago about my husband walking out, after declaring he was unhappy, had been for years and it was all my fault I had treat him awful etc.
I was adamant that OW was not involved at all, beyond adamant.
Of course they was and it was connected to work.
He started a new job in May and left in Aug. So 3 months max he knew the OW (he was training for a month.) The Ow is the service user he was supporting mum!! She’s in her late 40’s and he is 28.
He said that nothing other then texting and ringing went on while we was still togather, and I kind of believe that as he would have been sacked. He left his job the 1st aug and walked out on his family the 14th and he said that was the time he actively perused her.
He left me and our two children on the Sunday and I now know that he spent the night at hers Tuesday.

I don’t get how he could walk out on his family with a women he doesn’t even know! I think we are on week 8 now and his telling me that she is his girlfriend.

His new ‘girlfriend’ is 15+ years older then him, she is a school teacher and has a severely autistic son who lives in supported living that she is heavily involved in and spends 2 nights a week at his house. My husband told me that she was always desperate for a relationship and not many people are accepting of her son and the time she spends with him.

Husband family being awful and difficult with me as they believe the lies he told about how I was awful doe years etc etc.

At the moment husband sits round mine 2 nights a week 7pm-9pm so I am able to go to the gym etc, and he has his children Friday 6pm- Sunday 10am.

Surley this is going to cause problems soon with OW?

My friends have texted OW expressing there disgust and telling her that me and ex are still sleeping together. Ex has been saying to me that she needs space, says she doesn’t trust him etc.
I sent her two text messages basically asking for answers, and asking how she could do this to me and my girls. She went to the police and tried to say I was harrasaing her! Police laughed on the phone and just said don’t contact her anymore, they understand the situation. I’ve said to my ex that could have affected my career massively, he didn’t care, said gf is her own women and that’s what she wanted to do. I can get him the sack from his new job and my friends are wanting to for what he has done.

How could he leave his family? We have been married less then a year but together for 10.
Do we think it’s going to work with the OW?
Do we think he will regret walking out so suddenly on his family? No signs of regret 8 weeks in, says he has everything he wanted in life, children, nice house, new career, nice car, just the wrong wife!

Honestly everyone thought we was the perfect in love couple including me.

OP posts:
Daisymalone · 10/10/2018 18:33

I know it is still very raw for you but you are being rather spiteful towards the ow when your anger should be directed at your ex. Texting her and getting your friends to text her is out of order- it is your husband who has cheated on you, not her! Are you genuinely still sleeping together? Please stop if you are, don't let him have his cake and eat it!

user1492863869 · 10/10/2018 18:52

As galling as it may seem, getting him the sack will be counterproductive for you and your children. At the moment he is a position to provide financial support and childcare for you. If he looses his job that will stop. He will then only see the children at OWs during his time.

Be angry if you need to be but not spiteful. Anger is a strong emotion most commonly associated with bad behaviour. It’s burns fast and bright. Then you are often left with unintended destruction.

I am sorry this has happened and i understand the need to hurt her and him. I suppose the best thing is to focus on the children and try to imagine a new future. It will happen and you will be happy. Be strong.

SparklyMagpie · 11/10/2018 10:54

I'm really sorry what he's done, but that's bang out of order getting your friends texting her.

I can't imagine the pain you're feeling and your children, but please be the bigger person

Trinity66 · 11/10/2018 11:00

For your own sanity you need to try and move on from this. As the saying goes bitterness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. That's so true, I get why you're so hurt and angry but the best revenge is to be happy yourself, they'll get theirs eventually, don't worry.

PolkaDoting · 11/10/2018 11:00

You’re getting your friends to text her and you don’t see just how bad that is?

Maybe listen to him when he tells you how unhappy he was, rather than just dismissing it.

hammeringinmyhead · 11/10/2018 11:06

Whether it works or not with her, whether he regrets it or not, how could you ever take him back and trust him again?

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