If I thought it would make a difference I would send this to my brother. sigh Not a hope. He is the only one who cannot see he is now at the end stage of drug and alchohol abuse and will be dead before the year is out.
I know this is the right thing to do but I can not stop feeling sad that I have been backed into the corner that this is really my only option.
I see you abusing yourself with alcohol and prescription medicines, unable to engage with any of us or with life in any meaningful way. You have not been sober for months and I can no longer cope with your paranoia and delusions. You cause confusion and chaos and distess to all who are around you. You are upsetting us, playing the "Poor me" card, making ridiculous claims and demands, bad-mouthing us...Where is the charming, witty, talented, generous, caring brother I once knew, admired and loved? We saw him so very rarely these past few years and in the past few months not at all. My heart is breaking; for my parents memory sake I try to keep contact with you but you always manipulate my attempts. You only contact me when you want money.
Meanwhile I continue deal with the deaths of Mum and Dad. I had to sort through their things, deal with legal papers and you...? You decided to drink yourself into a seething selfishness, holding me up, trying to manipulate me to do what you want when you wanted. You created problems with everyone and tried to undo everything I have tried to sort out. What gave you the right to "opt out" of the situation and leave me to not only care for our frail sick parents. You have sabotaged my attempts to deal with the reality of winding up our parents estate and when called on that you have act like a spoilt child and lie to everyone with your constant "Poor me". Then to have you claim that you were "there" for Mum and Dad when in reality you just were not. I was, week after exhausting and distressing week throughout the last three years. My life, my business, my children all put on hold to ensure they could live out their lives as they desperatly wanted to - staying together. The one time I made the mistake of pleading with you to cover for me and just pop round and see they were okay so I could go away for a few days you let us all down. You lied to me and said you would take them food and check carers had been. I could have wept when I got back and found no-one had bought them food or changed the bed and that mum had developed painful pressure sores. All you had done was help yourself to every bottle of alchohol you could find.
When do I get to act the child and sob my heart out for losing both Mum and Dad in the same day? How could I forget you stamping our feet and shouting "What about me- I am sicker than either of them!' You said some very nasty things to me when I called to let you to let you know mum was dying and only had hours left .How dare she interrupt your plans by being so un-thoughtful of you and die. It was me who sat with both of them one after the other as they breathed their last not you. You were no where to be seen.
And the more times you behave this badly, the more determined I have become to restrict my contact with you. And that breaks my heart even more; not only have I lost Mum and Dad, now I am losing you as well – to your addictions and to your denial that you have a very serious problem. You are killing yourself.
No-one is more determined than you; so why, oh why can't you harness that determination and tackle your issues? Why do you continue denying the reality of your situation; the trips to A&E for alcohol fueled injuries. The liver failure, the impaired cognition and confusion that heralds alcohol induced dementia. Yet you have refused all the help that has been offered to you? You lie, you weedle, you only call when you want something from me. You never ever said thank you for the endless times I have had to take you to A&E. You expect everything to be done for you 'now' like its some divine right. You always turn nasty and vitriolic when I do tell you no. You have been beyond rude and demanding to my children not just me. Now you have hit the stage of refusing to engage with and listen to anymedical and professional advice?
There is nothing I can do. You made this black hole of a mess your in by your own choice. I love you but I no longer like you. I can no longer live with the chaos, the stress, the worry of what you might do next, the emotional demands for money, your expectation I can just settle the vast debts your life style choices have incurred. You lurch from drama to drama, crisis to crisis. Your not taking me with you
For my own sanity and my for my kids I cannot and will not keep on like this – forever hoping that you might wake up to what your doing and change your ways but I know it is all too late. If you continue to drink then for the sake of my children, who really do deserve better, you leave me no choice - it will have to be no contact.