He doesn't want another child but I do

[Nic165]

Dp and I have 2 children. Dc2 is 4 weeks old and I've always wanted a three. However dp does not, it even took him a while to come round to the idea of 2. But I cannot stop the emotions and longing for a third. It's making me feel so sad and exacerbating my PND to think that this could be my last baby. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did they ever change their mind?

I would say asking about dc 3 when the sleepless night are in full flow is nuts! Not saying your dh will change his mind but maybe wait til you are both having a better 'quality' of life if you get what I mean!!
Ime/o it's normal to want another soon after giving birth, same as vowing never again is for some women!
Try and enjoy the precious early days now!! If you fear pnd please speak up irl.
Congratulations on your dc!

I think your husband is trying to be rational and realistic. He is being sensible. You can’t make decisions like this when you have just given birth and have PND. He is right to not make you any promises. Your hormones are giving you a tough time right now and it won’t be the same for him

You need to focus on the baby, your mental health and put this on the back burner and revisit it later down the line.

I hope you are seeing someone about your PND?

Don’t waste the time with your new baby by focusing on an imaginary baby. Please don’t you will regret that

Thank you both for replying. I am seeing someone for PND thankfully as I was already seeing them for antenatal depression. I just feel so fixated on another baby right now which I know is not right and I need to be cherishing the precious time I have with my newborn as they aren't little for long. The feeling that I want to be pregnant again as soon as possible is very odd when I think rationally about it. I didn't have it with dc1. I think it's because dp said this is the last when I don't want it to be, and I feel like I am almost in mourning that I will never be pregnant again. Hormones are still probably all over the place, so hopefully this will pass

If you suffer from PND, which invariably impacts Him, then I can totally understand where he's coming from.

You say you've always wanted 3 .. Did you discuss and agree this? Even if you did your PND changes everything.

I think you need to focus on the children you have and be grateful he agreed to a second even though he didn't want to.

He's compromised...now you need to do the same.

Could I ask if the birth went as you hoped? Did you have bad stuff /stress going on in your life during your pregnancy ?
When my ds was born he caught whooping cough at a few weeks old, his first months (10)were spent in /out of the children's ward. When he was well I was frantic for another dc, one to enjoy and not be worrying about, and not have memories of only hospital . Could you be trying in your mind to 'get it right' /be in a better frame of mind next time maybe?
Just a thought.

It will pass but it might take some hard work. Refocusing on your children and getting into a routine will help you, try not to keep drawing DP into the same topic (hoping for a new answer) becasue this creates pressure on both of you

I’m there now. Heart wants 3 head says 2 is enough. Dh happy with 2.

Think I will always want 3 but will settle for 2. Sad but that’s life. Way too many reasons to not have 3.

Financial, house, car, all need to changed. Plans for travel and holidays will no doubt go as that extra person makes it much hard. Not to mention the environmental aspect. We have replaced ourselves so not adding to the population.

But yes. Sad this is it.

The birth was great, completely different to my first where I actually had a good experience and recovery has been so much quicker. He doesn't sleep at night. Very unsettled and crying and I'm doing all the nights as dp is back to work. But this hasn't put me off. I know it would be much more difficult financially and we would need potentially need to upsize the house and car. But right now I would have no problem making personal sacrifices for another child. I agree though, I need to focus on the children I have and not put pressure on dp, especially so soon after. Also need to prioritise my mental health before I go down that road again. Thank you for all your advice x

Bloody hell already longing for a 3rd when your 2nd is only 4 weeks old and you have PND?? It does sound a little irrational to bo fair

It is irrational when I think about it logically. But I cannot seem to stop these thoughts and emotions. Perhaps I just need to give it time and accept how I feel now, and that it may not always be this way once my hormones have settled and I get myself back on track mentally

I'm wondering if there's a link between your wanting another baby - with one that's only 4 weeks old, and with a diagnosis of ante/post-natal depression.

Sometimes the choices we make to escape our current circumstances can defy logic; and when we make those kind of choices (which often have a compulsive drive behind them), we rarely get the outcome we want. Usually it simply exacerbates an already existing problem.

I'd investigate getting to the bottom of things before you make a choice that doesn't serve either you or your relationship.