one sided relationship

[squareup]

I have a very close friendship with a male colleague. our friendship extends beyond work hours and has always been very enjoyable and supportive.For some months now, it has become one sided..All about his needs and his problems. I am emotionally tired from him.What upsets me is that despite guidance and experience and advice, he continues to refuse to deal with his problems and repeats the same behaviours over and over again. My sister has been very unwell and he knows this, yet he has not asked about her in weeks, despite knowing that her condition is chronic and life limiting. I am heartbroken as she is the only family I have left from my family of origin.
So i really pulled back...straight answers to messages, no banter or engagement at work other than manners and platitudes. He knows something is seriously up and has now started to follow me around and arrange lunches/professional chats .I feel so awful, guilty..almost mean to him.I really do not want to rehash all of these conversations about his problems etc, because honestly, he is just going to do his own thing as is his right, but the fall out is always the same. I am missing my friend very much and I feel sad and mean to him.He can be emotionally immature and is not self aware at all.He is self absorbed at the moment i guess.I realise now that I was probably an emotional crutch/filler/ego boost for him and this doesnt sit well with me at all. I really miss the friendship. Any advice welcome and thanks

Can you not tell him how you feel?

I see where you are coming from by advising that and thank you..but I suppose that i spelled out my feelings via text about two weeks ago. He text to let me know that he was going back into a relationship that broke up because of unresolved issues and a lack of interest, with a very clingy young girl. He had confided and discussed all of his anxieties with me for weeks and weeks. I essentially advised him to sort himself out first before he ended back at square one and break her heart. He disregarded this advice, which is his prerogative etc but it was at this stage that i just thought to myself..'I'm done!'I wished him happiness and told him in the nicest possible way that Im done with it all and all the deep and meaningful conversations.He thought I was joking but i repeated my thoughts to him and ever since then, Ive just really pulled back, but he has started to try to open up convos about personal stuff. Am I a total bitch?

Block his private communications, maintain professional contact only, and if he follows you about at work, report him to HR. You’ve no need to feel guilty about picking and choosing your own interpersonal relationships.

Just ignore them. If you feel really rude reiterate that you aren't in a position to help him, maybe he should find someone else to get advice from. Deflect deflect. Be as cold as you have to be for him to get it. If he doesn't get it quickly (it's already been 2 weeks) then speak to HR.

Don't feel bad. He's unusual in not getting the picture already so you may have to be cruel to be kind.

But is that not really cruel when we were such close friends? He isnt creeping me out or anything, its just cringy and uncomfortable trying to get away from him.He is very demonstrative and warm and is trying to arrange work drinks etc etc. I feel cruel but know I was a need that he doesnt need anymore if that makes any sense !

I think he does get the picture but isnt willing to let go. He has had me behavinglike a fool listening to him and advising him for weeks about this issue and years about others! Ive wasted so much bloody time and am sad that he cared so little about me that he didnt so much as ask about my sister or how I was coping etc until one evening recently, when he finally realised that this may be the reason I pulled back a bit . Then I got the ... if you ever want to talk, im always here ...afterthought.