I just can't get on with my husband any more. I have no idea how to have a conversation with him. If I try to talk about something important (finance, childare, house, jobs etc.) he says he's too tired/busy to think or talk about that. As far as I can tell he just wants to talk at me and for me to agree with him ans day that I think he's amazing. It's what his Mum does.
If I try to get his opinion on something, he is very evasive, can't answer a simple yes/no question, won't comit to having an opinion. I think it's a strategy to avoid taking responsibility for any decisions we have to make.
I end up cross, confused, shouting, basically anything that will finally get him to make up his mind and say something. I am essentially turning into a bully to try to get any input about our family lives out of him (we have 3 DC, one with SEN).
I don't like having to try to engage with him at all. I get nothing out of the relationship. I'm not attracted to him. I still try to be nice, consider his needs, buy little gifts, look after the house and him, facilitate his relationship with the DC (which isn't great and he needs a lot of encouragement and support, and instruciton to bother with).
He openly admits that he lies to me (and thinks this isn't a problem), never thinks about my needs or the children's needs, isn't nice to me, can't remember the last time he did anything that was for me, not even buy a birthday present! He's still convinced that he's a nice person though. He is superficially very likeble, especially when he's being observed by anyone outside the relationship.
He has threatend to leave several times, and I have agreed with him that he should go. Always a last-minute change of heart from him. He is going to counselling and says he is "trying" but I can't really see the difference yet.
I just want to run for the hills. I'm trying to make this work for the children, so how do I get out and cause them the minumum of damage?
And so as not to drip feed, yes, I am "difficult" as he like to tell me. I am quite controlling and compuslively tidy, and very assertive and definite in my views. My social skills aren't amazing as I am autistic. But, I don't have the type of communication problems that I have with my husband with anyone else that I know, including other close relationships like siblings.