Feeling a bit lost

[Lavenderdays]

I have 3 dc's eldest a teen, youngest a baby and I am sahm.

There is currently a major shift in friendships; one friend is moving, one is talking about moving, another friendship has just drifted apart. My friends children are growing up (around my eldest daughter's age) whereas I have started all over again and want to put down roots, not contemplate moving etc. I have little extended family and haven't really made any firm friends through my younger children. I am so tired at the moment so getting out to enjoy my hobbies (plus having the time/ability with baby at home) is extremely difficult.

Don't get me wrong, I tend to keep myself busy but today, I got the sense that everyone is moving on around me and I am, I don't want to use the work stuck because I am reasonably happy but I am at a constant. There are things that I wouldn't have minded doing, my dh and I struggle to get out together but I know this will change in a year or two. It feels as if things are shape shifting around me and people are busy working etc. whereas I am in a bubble with perhaps a bit of time to reflect.
I am happy most of the time in my own company but I think I have become very insular, not really sure what it is I'm trying to say, just typing out a few thoughts, perhaps it is the fact that I am not good with change and with little family, the thought of friends moving away makes me feel uneasy whilst making new friends isn't easy either because of my current situation and not gelling to well with any of the other school mums. Not sure if anyone is going to relate to any of this...it is all a bit of a jumble.

I think it's always tough when kids are that young and you're at home all the time. Try making one small change to start with, maybe take one evening a week for yourself and join a class or something, doesn't matter what just something to get you out of the house mixing with other adults, art class, writing class, yoga whatever

Thanks Trinity, I think you are right and I know what I would choose to do. Almost joined a book club but that was in the daytime (everyone else is retired) so didn't fancy taking the baby along but realise that I could start my own. I do have interests but with baby still not sleeping (7 months), I just don't want to risk driving out in the evening - nothing on immediate doorstep. I know this will all change. I think it is listening to others make plans and then thinking that the grass is greener, living on a mountain, by the sea or whatever it is but of course it rarely is. Whilst I don't have extended family, I am fortunate to have my dh and children. I guess I am probably a bit lazy on the friendship front and I know it takes effort to form new friendships but perhaps I need to step outside of my comfort zone and give it a go. I am lacking confidence on that front; I don't always choose the nicest of people to befriend (not saying that I am perfect), I have certain hobbies (wont specify) and it is difficult to find others with this shared interest.

Also realised that a lot of my 'friends' or past friends are quite needy. I know we can all do with a shoulder to lean on sometimes but I don't really want to get caught up in other peoples dramas all the time, I want some friends with shared interests who I can actually go out with and talk about things that are un child related sometimes (though my dcs are the centre of my universe at the moment).