How long to move on??!!! Impatient!

[pink321]

Long story short. Im 32 and my husband of 3 years left me out of the blue 6 months ago in April - I did not expect this but apparently he hadnt been happy 4 ages. Me and my daughter now live ourself but he still sees her regular. Basically I have now found out he has moved on with a women from his work and god knows how close the overlap was.

My question is - I joined plenty of fish dating website to try and move on myself but I'm struggling? When I don't speak to anyone I get upset about my husband moving on (the distraction helps) but when I do speak to someone I distance myself and basically haven't felt am attracted to anyone and make my excuses not to speak to them when they seem keen.

Do you think it's too soon for me to be moving on and that's what the problem is? Or do u think I just haven't met the right person?

How long did it take people to feel ready to move on in this situation or similar? I just want things to not hurt anymore. TIA

6 months isn't long especially if it came out of the blue. I don't think it's wrong to be looking at dating as such, but I would totally expect you to have mixed feelings and go backwards and forwards on it all.

Maybe you'll need to be friends with someone first before starting a romantic relationship.

I know how you feel, but I think it's too soon and it would be ashame to cause more hurt and confusion to the people you are chatting to. Don't look for a replacement.

It depends on you. Some people are not ready for a longer time. For me it was three months. I wasn't looking for a relationship just casual dates but it happened. You don't seem ready though.

Thank you for your kind replies :)

a year for me, to enjoy being single and know who I was individually again and how my own wants and needs had changed.

There's no hurry, surely? A man isn't necessary for the enjoyment of life. Just enjoy the feeling of being in charge of your own life, without someone else there who wants to take over, control and be pampered. When it happens, it happens!

I know how you feel. If you feel ready then go for it. Personally I felt ready to see who was out there after about 4 months. Keep chatting until you find someone on your wavelength. It seems hopeless at times when you still feel doubting about who you are and what you want, but there are nice guys on dating sites. Good luck x

Don’t date just because you’re lonely or need a distraction and an ego boost. Apart from not being fair to anybody you meet, who doesn’t want to just be a distraction from your ex, when you’re vulnerable and confused you’re more likely to be targeted by people who’ll take advantage of that - and just end up feeling more lonely and hurt.

It sounds like what you really need is the company of your good friends and to build your confidence and get used to life without your ex. Clubs, hobbies, doing things independently and the boost that knowing you can do that gives you are all great for that. There’s no set timescale for starting to date again, but as a general guide it’s when you begin to want somebody to share your new great life with, rather than just to fill the gap your ex has left with a replacement.

As an aside: I started casually dating about 4 months after I broke up with my last long term ex (though our relationship had been essentially over for a good year at least before we finally called it a day, and I wasn’t actually looking to date; I met somebody at a party and then through him started dating/hooping up with others in his social group simultaneously) - but it’s taken the better part of three years to get to the point of beginning to think I might consider something less casual and more invested. You might find the same is true for you - when you do feel ready, don’t limit yourself to finding your next LTR. Explore, meet people and see where it takes you, enjoy the process rather than the destination.

Thank you every one all these responses r really helpful xxx

From what you've said, it is too soon for you. It sounds as though you are still grieving for the end of your relationship - which is completely understandable and something that everyone has to go through one way or another.

I would focus on going out with friends, finding some new interests and concentrating on yourself. Once you are happy and in a good place, then you will ready to date again.

Big hugs to you - shit thing to happen. I've been there too.

It was a good year for me.
I tried and got myself into a rebound thing but knew I wasn't really ready.
Work on yourself for a while.
Go out with family and friends and give yourself some more time.
There is no time limit.
It's a whole grieving process.
Just lean on people for love and support and you'll get there.