Awwh, The thread caught my eye/current time.
I too been married for 13 years, Although been together for 25 years, not all roses & romance and I'm quite sure no marriage is.
I'm confident (at the minute) my husband adores me/still fancies me, but it's absolutely reciprocated, he's my best friend & love him so much I could burst. It's took a while, but after previous fall outs/arguments/rants & raves, we talk, talk, talk & talk.
I think your hubby may not realise, the changes you see and feel due to his depression and how 'this' has impacted on your emotional wellbeing. It certainly changes a person. BUT regardless of his devotion, you do need to talk about changes you both need to make to salvage your marriage.
I am wondering if due to the additional 'stepping up' you've felt you've had to do, your irritation,lack of tolerance, exhaustion,resentment,may be an indicator that you're wiped out/suffering also?
Please do tell him, he annoys you when you're out, he's not to moan about the children, it isn't fair, you need timeout, he's a drama llama, a guilt tripper and you've had enough. You're both stuck in a rut, which needs changes on both sides.
Can you get time out just as a couple? another place away from home? coffee & cake/meal/few beers and tell him how you feel. He can't read your mind and maybe you will feel better.
Please will you consider making an appointment with your GP/confide with friends about how you are feeling, you say you are so damaged and there's probably other things that may have contributed to how you feel, you need some support independently.
Delay any major decisions you feel at the minute and tell husband, you are also unwell/exhausted and have reached breaking point. What he does to change/support/care for you at your crisis point, may help in your decisions when you've had some interim support.