*******************Making new friends**********************

[Mhamai]

I'm in a position where sadly an old, (17yrs) our dd's are best friends, friendship has reached it's sell by date and it has ended badly. On the other hand, I've recently been approached by a mum of ds aged 6 and can see potential for a future friendship. I"m nearly 40 and rationally I know the reasoning end of it but emotionially I feel like a ten year old again. Is anyone in a similiar sitution, not necessarily same age circumstances etc but ykwim..................hopefully!

What's the question?

Sorry, don't understand, are you asking if its ok to have a new best friend?

Age isn't really an issue in friendships - as long as you get on and have fun, go for it!

Christ NO! {grin] just more I suppose trying to find other women who have ended long term friendships and are about to embark on new ones and how this affects them.

Treat it like any relationship - if you get seomthing from it, then go for it and if not, bin it.

I suppose in a way because this friendship was I suppose just that, a true friendship as opposed to an aqquaintance, I've seen relationships ie men come and go

Did you dump her or did she dump you?

Good question Carmenere, truth be told, we have both been through a lot this past year, ie, her marriage breaking down

Did you commit the ultimate sin of slagging off her dh whilst she had split up only for her to get back with him?

so there hasn't been a blow-up but you've both been through a very hard time and there is a bit of resentment or whatever there. Don't you think this will tide over?

By all means, get to know the other mum too. Why not?

In a word NO! because in a lot of ways her dh has been like a surrogate df to my dd. I do tbh know why the friendship has come grinding to a halt but

Thanks ssSandy for your post but sadly and as much as I still love her and always will. She has over the years dropped me at the drop of a hat but I took it with a pinch of salt because they always petered out and I made allowances for that but it has come back to me via my dd that she is now claiming that she more or less reared my dd which is blatantly so untrue! Admittedly, I was hospitalised for depression about 9 years ago and she did look after my dd then,

Oh Mhamai that's really sad

It all sounds really raw still, and you're obviously hurt. I really think you should try to talk with her. You obviously love her, what have you got to lose? If it doesn't work, at least you tried - just tell her how you feel, be honest, but not confrontational or accusing.

As for this other friend - there is always room for friends, regardless of what's happening with this other woman - it's always great to be around nice people, it's important, and you keep making good friends whatever age you are - you can find someone you click with at any time.

Thanks Boco, I really would like to salvage our friendship but I just feel like she has betrayed me to a point where there's no going back, this is a woman that I would have trusted with my life and she knows how I would have had/still do somewhat with trust.

Which tbh makes her recent allegations all the harder to bear, I mean the immature part of me right now is so heavily tempted to go "ah well, so long, some bloody friend you turned out to be!" but the mature bit of me yes I do have one..........sometimes

is ....... no I have to get closure resolution on this, aw fuck why can't the grown ups come and sort this out? why do I feel like a bloody big kid standing in the playground right now with a big snotty nose?

I kind of understand what you are going through. My former best friend and I fell out after 22 years. She was one of the guardians of my past, she shares memories with me, and remembers stuff about me and people I know, that I have forgotten. And I have lost all that. As has she. Her parents were like surrogate parents to me, and I really miss them too.

I have new friends, good friends, but there's no history.

Thanks partyclown, I'm obviously prize candidate for muppet of the year because
I really didn't see this coming, well not like this becauce if I'm being honest, I knew things were not right but feck that for a game of soldiers, I'm in unchartered waters here. Thanks for your post though it means a lot! I'm a dab hand as I've said at man/woman relationships ending and God knows there's plenty of them! but this one is just didn't ever enter my head as a possibility.

But you don't know for sure exactly what she said or how she said it - there may be a bit of misunderstanding here - which you won't know about until you speak to her about it. Do let her know how sad you feel.

It's so hard, i fell out with a really good friend when i was pg with dd2 - i didn't think it was ever possible for us to not be close, i was the closest thing to family for her, i was actually her next of kin for years. It was a shock, and horrible. It took a year before we could start again. In january we had another disagreement - i do find her very very hard although i love her. This time, its been like a break - we haven't fallen out exactly, i know it'll be ok, but we have to just have some distance from each other for a bit. Lately gradually we've started building it all back up again. I think it'll probably always be like this.

Anyway, my point is, people make mistakes and mess up, but if you love them, try not to let those hurt feelings be the biggest feeling. Talk to her, she sounds like she may have spoken out of turn, but doesnt' mean she's not feeling sad too.

Boco, your spot on and thanks for your post. I know I've gone into defence mode big time! I'm a trainee psychotherapist and know a bit about behaviour but sometimes that knowledge becomes a bit clouded when it's too close too home! Thanks for your sound knowldge and advice

Ah just bung us a couple of carrots and we'll call it even stevens

I'll happily trade you your figure for that head, actually feck that
I'll keep the carrot's! and donate you my stash of neverending carbohydrates!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously