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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Aibu

8 replies

tinytinker93 · 09/10/2018 10:35

So me and my partner have been together 4 years almost 5 and we have 2 beautiful son's and 2 twin daughter's who passed away shortly after birth! Everything was great untill he had to quit work 2 years ago because my physical and mental health went down hill, we do our fair share with everything, even if I'm in absolute agony and on very strong painkillers but everyday he expects me to get the kids up, bring them down, give them breakfast and get the ready for the day ahead while he lays there for hours while I struggle my ass of in agony, I ask him for help and just get shit from him! Am I being unreasonable to ask for him to help me? Apparently I'm the worst person in the world when I ask!

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 09/10/2018 10:39

Why did he quit work if he doesn't help you?

Original poster
tinytinker93 · 09/10/2018 10:41

He was told to leave work by social services or we would lose our children,

OP posts:
Amdoingit · 09/10/2018 11:02

Bless you sweet. So sorry for your loss. No YANBU to expect him to help. Sometimes it’s how you approach them as to whether they’re prepared to help. Shit I know, but sometimes that’s how it is. My husband stayed in bed & I did all the mornings for the kids for so long I actually don’t want to say. Now he’s working again & he’s left the house for work by 6am Smile Still doing mornings by myself but
at least he’s at work. He should be helping you, maybe ease him into it by asking for one day a week. I feel your pain.

Notacluewhatthisis · 09/10/2018 11:19

Is there an element of depression at play here.

It's obviously been a painful and stressful time for you all. I am not excusing him, but I could understand him becoming unwell, himself, mentally.

notapizzaeater · 09/10/2018 11:21

If you are managing the kids now could he not go back to work ?

Thebluedog · 09/10/2018 11:22

I presume he’s also claiming carers allowance whilst he’s lazing away in bed?

YANBU by any means Flowers

Xiaoxiong · 09/10/2018 11:22

I'm so sorry for your losses Thanks

However I don't understand your update? Your DH was told to quit work by social services or your sons would be taken into care? So now neither of you are working?

Original poster
tinytinker93 · 09/10/2018 11:57

Yes he claims carers allowance as he's my carer because of my health, he doesn't suffer depression but I do and if he does he's hiding it very well, I've tried to be nice about getting him to help me but then I get to a point where I'm just furious with him 🙁

OP posts:
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