30, single, tell me it gets better!

[Zebrina]

Just turned 30 and am about to be single. World crashing down from lies but need to be practical for dd. I am probably going to have to move back in with my mum with small child in tow for a couple of years so I can save enough to get my own mortgage again. Not very pretty or thin but do have a relatively good job. Feeling quite sad that I might not have another baby. Please regale me with stories of how it gets better.

It gets better.

I walked out on a bad relationship with my kids at 29 , we moved in with my mum until I had saved for a flat deposit.

I was single until the age of 34 , I met my now husband and we have a baby together.

Looking back , I really enjoyed those years spent with my mum and also as a single parent. We had some really happy times together.

@keyshairbandnotepad that’s lovely to hear you met someone else and had another baby.

I think I am mourning all of the dreams at the moment, can’t quite believe it’s going to be such a deferent future.

Different*

Focus on getting yourself back and being happy with yourself before thinking about meeting someone else and having more kids, I think. I think knowing that you don't need anyone to make you happy in life makes you a stronger and happier person, it also makes you a great role model for your child too, a strong role model

Same boat here! It is tough.

I know it's hard but try to look to the future. You don't know what's around the corner , most likely some wonderful things though.

Feeling that you're 'starting again' and that your family unit isn't necessarily changing for the better are common thoughts , but in time things WILL get better. Just take your time to make the right decisions.

Also , I know it's a cliche - but when I met dh I was perfectly content with my life. Lovely friends , enjoyable job and a nice home too. I was very much in a place where I could take or leave a relationship and would only accept someone that would add to that happiness.

Think of it as a new start, an opportunity to make your life better. (There was a thread on here from a 49 yo MNer who had just found out she was pregnant! so plenty of time). This is just a minor setback - onwards and upwards!

Also , I know it's a cliche - but when I met dh I was perfectly content with my life. Lovely friends , enjoyable job and a nice home too. I was very much in a place where I could take or leave a relationship and would only accept someone that would add to that happiness.

Yeah totally agree with this. It does sound cheesy or cliched but it is so so true. Teach yourself to be able to depend on yourself and enjoy your own company, then finding a partner is a choice not a need

Thank you all for your kind words. It does feel like my world has shrunk a lot since having dd and I have been very focussed on the family. Although at the same time at least workwise I have held my own and have a lot going for me there.

I am just terribly sad as I would have liked more to have had more children and while I don’t feel I need another partner (and certainly not straight away), I am worried I won’t ever meet someone else and get that chance.

You're only 30 though, still loads of time and you don't necessarily need a partner to have another child anyway (but still you're only 30!!) It's good you've still got work etc, that's going to be vital for you.

I’m 30 in two weeks and single and pregnant living at home. It happens, but I’m hopeful it will all get easier.

Let me know in a year what stage your at, I hope to meet someone one day too.

That world shrinking effect is the only barrier to meeting someone else.

In the short term, world shrinking can be really helpful in one way after a breakup, it lets you focus on doing the right thing for yourself, and reduces the number of plates you have spinning while you deal with everything.

Once you think you're able, make the conscious decision to expand your world again, very deliberately. New hobbies, interests and activities are all great for making you feel better, making new friends, and eventually a new partner somewhere down the line. If you're worried about your weight when it comes to the dating game then this is a perfect way to kill two birds with one stone by taking up a physical activity of some kind.

Either way, there are others out there, and they would love to meet you!

OP: first thing I want to say is its not all that bad being single (in a sense) and going forward have a think about what kind of relationship you really want. Start setting that up now, and concentrate on yourself and daughter. Drop this "not that pretty or thin" image you have of yourself.

Relish being alone and free for a while, its not all that bad (I have a fabulous FWB as not actually wanting a relationship after 21 years in one since I was 17).

Live, love and your time will come. Don't feel a failure, don't beat yourself up, just breathe and enjoy the freedom and when you are ready, the right man will appear ;)