Hello,
I've posted before, asking for opinions on whether my husband's behaviour might be considered abusive or not (last thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3347620-Not-sure-if-abusive-or-not). Apologies in advance, this is a bit long.
Since then, things have escalated. About a month ago, my husband lost his temper with our 7 year old DD over how she was packing her lunch box - they were downstairs and I was upstairs and jumped out of my skin when he shouted. When DD came upstairs to me, I vowed that I would never see that look on my DD's face again - she was distraught, terrified, heartbroken all in one.
That day, I wrote my husband a letter, as he never listens when I try to talk to him. I told him enough's enough and that I thought we should separate. We talked about the content of the letter that night, and his viewpoint shifted from, 'Where would I go?' to, 'Well, I'm not leaving'.
Based on that conversation, he visited his GP the next day, who recommended an app called Mood Gym. She also told him to revisit in a couple of weeks to monitor progress. His second visit was last Wednesday, and he saw a different GP. The second GP asked him more questions, and he admitted that he has grabbed the children in the past and hurt them. Based on this, the GP said she would have to refer to social services.
My husband's mood has been a lot 'better' since I wrote that letter (4 weeks ago tomorrow). However, it has placed me on even more egg shells than normal, as it is such a sudden and profound shift. I don't welcome social services in any way, but thought that if they were involved it might serve as the wake up call he needs to make him see the extent of his behaviour. I still get the feeling that he's trying to shift blame and not take full responsibility for what he's done over the course of nearly 11 years of marriage.
Husband phoned me this afternoon to say that social services phoned him and have decided not to follow up. He claims to have told them everything they should know and was honest with them.
He has asked me for my support to get him through the process he needs to go through to become a better person. I can't. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. After asking for a separation, to still have him in the house, being weirdly nice and engaged (somehow it doesn't feel wholly natural), I simply can't cope. It still feels all about him, and I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry for such a splurge. I just wonder if anyone has any advice, or has been through similar. How do I know if he's truly remorseful, or just trying to save face/reputation? He mentioned earlier that he has realised 'what' he stands to lose - I can't help wondering if he should have phrased that 'who' he stands to lose... Am I overthinking?
Ugh, sorry!