Always attracted to arseholes (not on purpose)...a couple of dates with who appears to be a 'gent' and I'm not feeling the attraction, so what do you think?

[Bubblesandcake]

Is this a pattern? I don't understand why. This happens always! I have been dating for a while and looking back I have noticed this. So thinking (and reading lots of Amy Young/Matthew Hussy dating advice) maybe I should give guys a chance. Guys that I'm not initially attracted to.
How long is a chance? I have been on 2 dates. He was lovely (a little serious) and appears interested in me. The 2nd date I just wanted to leave but managed to chat for 3.5 hours on first date. We are supposed to be going for food and drink sat. He has googled and sent me links to a few restaurants so I can look at the menu. How thoughtful?!
The last guy I dated turned out to be an arse! But I was very much attracted to him from day 1. He never did anything thoughtful.
I'm wondering if I haven't given it enough time. If I go sat, I'm kinda stuck for the whole evening. Being a single parent with not much free time. I'm not sure what to do.

I have this exact same issue. If you are emotionally unavailable and unsuitable then come on down. I'd be interested to hear other people's perspectives.

Yes this is a thing. It’s what you are used to and find the challenge/drama an attraction. You want to be the one who changes that man into someone brand new to feel special. You aren’t used to being treated nicely it feels boring and weird. If a guy dangled you on a string you feel the ups and downs of the thrill of him coming back to you. Your sexual attraction is tied to the push pull of a man who you think shows his masculinity by acting like a caveman idiot.

When a nice guy comes along it feels dull and predictable. Your brain tells you to friend zone this guy because you can’t possibly be sexually attracted to someone who you put into brother/friend category - you associate being nice with zero sexual attraction and unmanly.

Really aside from perhaps getting some counselling, reading up on it the key is to date carefully. Write a list of boundaries you are prepared to tolerate and qualities in a man you would like. Do not talk to the guys who disrespect them and date multiple men to find one who is attractive and nice at the same time

What went wrong on the second date? I went on a date with my DH and was not gonna bother again however when I went on the second date and tried to see him differently I realised he was different and I changed my mind x

But why “manage’ to spend three and a half hours with someone on a first date you’re not sure about?

Wow that certainly is interesting to read! Thankyou.
Umm well nothing really went wrong. I don't know what is was. I felt tired from a really busy week but just didn't feel interested.
I didn't 'manage' time on the 1st date. I obviously wasn't sure if I was interested or not at this stage, being a first date. We talked lots and I felt comfortable for that amount of time. Agreed to a 2nd date. Now not sure if I should go on a 3rd...

If you don’t fancy him and it’s boring then no don’t go on another date

You shouldn’t force yourself to like a nice guy when you clearly don’t but you just keep dating and avoid the idiots who treat you badly

Pookie - You are right. I am definitely getting better with the boundaries. I will not tolerate unacceptable behaviour anymore. This guy has many of the qualities I am looking for. However I have only had 2 dates with him. He has a nice face, I just don't feel excited. I haven't felt an urge to kiss him. I was unsure if maybe this might come later on? Thought I'd ask on here to see what everyone's views were.

It’s more than just someone’s face that makes you want to kiss them. Either you are being defensive internally (scared) or there is just some lack of spark. Either it’s in his body language or something else that doesn’t click and relate into wanting to kiss him.

If you don't fancy him then I think it would be a waste of your time to continue this. Being nice is the bare minimum not the be all and end all.

Let him find someone who likes him.