My Marriage

[lifelivelove]

I am 55 years old work full time and have a daughter of 19 at university. I have been with my husband since I was 18 years old and he was 23 years old. We are very different people. He is quiet, kind and wants everybody to love him. While I am outgoing, generous and could careless what people think of me. Our daughter has just started university and now its just us two at home. We have always just got on I believe now as friends and never had any passion or spark between us, not really having much in common. But the last couple of years my husband has changed into this moody, miserable man. My husband now tells me that he no longer likes or fancies me. I am active, slim not that should mean anything and still get lots of attention. Its so sad because we put this act on for our daughter and the rest of the world. I just want to cry is this it for the rest of my life. Yes you will probably say just split up. To be honest I wish that he would find someone else and leave. We are only together for our daughter.I have not got the energy to leave. I suppose I just wanted to write this down to get it off my chest. :(

Don't wait for him to leave do it for yourself. Your daughter is raised and living her own life, go be happy

You're 55 so not that old really. You can make a life for your own self still without him in it day to day and or otherwise dragging you down.

He won't leave because he likes having you around to boss and otherwise order about. He likes revelling in his own misery and is simply now dragging you down with him. You can certainly change how you react to him.

What do you get out of this relationship now; nothing from what little you have written here about this.

You are wrong in one very important respect; you have a choice still re this man. This does not have to be it for the rest of your life. You had enough energy to write on here and you know this treatment of you is wrong and ultimately you can channel that into leaving.

You would not want such a relationship for your DD would you?. No you would not and its not good enough for you either. She may well wonder of you why you have stayed with her dad at all.

Staying for the sake of your now adult child is a bad idea and she won't thank you for doing that to her either. What has she learnt about relationships from you two and importantly what do you want to teach her about the same?. That you simply put up and shut up in a bad marriage and moreover a marriage that perhaps should have ended years ago?.

I just want to cry is this it for the rest of my life
If you do fuck all, then yes, this will be your life.
If you realise that life is short and you need to make the most of it, then maybe, you can find some happiness.
But nothing will change unless YOU change it!

Bloody hell. You're still young. Your daughter has fled the nest and would want you to be happy. Maybe do a trial separation to see if it's really what you both want? Go out and have fun and spend time with people who like you and want to spend time with you. And possibly meet a man.

it is now up to you to find your own happiness.

Firstly is your home rented/your own/mortgaged? If it is mortgaged/owned get an estate agent in to value the house.

Secondly tell your dh you will be separating.

I know what you are all saying is right. I have been with this man for the whole of my adult life, and in principle it sounds easy leave. He is also the only guy that I have every been with. You are also right what sort of example are we setting our daughter. Life has been hard for the last five years due to deaths in my family and looking after my elderly dad. I do know that unless I do something to change my life now I will regret it. I can already feel it dragging me down and making look physically older.

Please don't put up with this. My dad treated my mum like this. It was horrible, she was a very attractive 65 year old woman who received more attention and admiring looks from men than I have ever done! She left him (due to cheating and other abusive behaviour) and found my stepdad who has been wonderful. I just wish she'd left sooner and hadn't had to put up with so many years of unhappiness. It is entirely possible to find someone when you're in your 50s/60s and no one should have to put up with being made to feel bad.

You can do this, I was 21 yrs married to a man who was not in love with me we stayed together for the childrens sake, eight yeArs ago my now exh told me he had been having an affair a different scenario to yours but I can appreciate totally the feeling of being unloved.

Hard as it was at the time I had to take over the mortgage, increase my hours to full time and sort my two dc’s out. At this time I was 44.

Now 8yrs on I have happiness, a good life, a small mortage on my house and I am with a lovely, kind man who I met at 49.

Life is too short to feel unloved and unhappy.

I have been feeling unloved and uncared for for some years. I’d put off doing anything over and over again. Finally I cracked and he left this morning after me saying I couldn’t take any more misery. It is hard, will take a long time for us to get sorted and I wish I’d done this 5yrs ago when I first realised I was unhappy.

Good on you Cath - well done.

Take it a day at a time towards your new chapter 💐