Can you be “happily married” but still argue or clash?

[breathandrelax]

I’m just trying to understand what’s “normal”

would you say you’re still happily married even if you have arguments and clashes? Or does being happily married mean no arguments and agreeing on everything?

Husband and I have been together for 13 years, married 8. We were teenagers when we got together and now in late 20s with two young kids. We argue more than we have ever, mainly over being stressed, who’s not helping with the house etc etc. We still ultimately love each toner despite days where I don’t want to see his face. I suffer with sever general anxiety so every time we argue I feel like our marriage is falling apart, although I do think I might be overly anxious in my thinking.

My husband says it’s normal and it’s part of us learning, connecting and understanding eachother as adults and as parents not as the teenagers we once were.

I would say it's pretty normal.

Dp and I aren't married but have been together 12 years and have a dc and a house, and we still argue/have heated disagreements sometimes.

Never really shouting (though occasionally a raised voice or swear word or two from both parties) but it's not 100% plain sailing weather.

We definitely still love each other but we can see the others flaws. I think that's a good sign though, to see someone's faults and still love them all the same.

you are two people & sometimes you don't have the same viewpoint as the other person - so of course you are going to disagree. If you are tired or stressed the person you are most likely to disagree with or, lets be honest. take these stresses out on, is someone you trust, the person your closest to. Consider how you can be very patient with other peoples dc when you work with them & how your dc know how to wind you up (because they know you & how you tick!) consider how many times when you were growing up you had sill arguments with your siblings? (& not just the siblings you cant stand but the ones that you are closest too) & don't lets get started on Mums & daughters - especially when they hit adolescence!

I remember reading that the happiest marriages sway between in love, indifference and the inability to look at each others stupid face.

I think that as long as for the most part you enjoy being together then for most people clashing and arguments can be just be a bump in the road. If it's more than that then I would say it's time to re-evaluate.

Yes it's possible, obviously depends on the context of the arguments and if it's the same issues coming up time and time again

To be honest out of all my friends who are married it seems the ones who have the most "firey" relationships (not violent, just arguments) end up being the most passionate for each other and I keep getting to hear about their "make up sex"

Sounds pretty normal. I think DH and I both come from 'successful' marriages between couples who aren't necessarily the easiest people in the world (a understatement in some cases!) so we went into this knowing there would be ups and downs (together 15 years, married 11).

There are times I feel more 'loved up' than others, there are occasional big arguments and more frequent smaller eruptions. I think constant bickering or flare-ups over a long period is not normal, even though there may be periods like that.

i would think that if a couple never argues, they have problems communicating.

mrs discontinued and i argue a lot - not shouty-swearing-rows, but disagreements. i think to a degree it's healthy, as both parties feel comfortable standing up for their opinion.

we ALWAYS make sure we have a cuddle afterwards though - we always try not to let things fester.

oh, and on the really important things, we're always aligned.

Me and dh argue. But not often. Maybe 3-4 times a year. In fact we are probably due one if I'm honest.....happily married though I'd say

Of course you can. For the first couple of years of my relationship I was happy up on my high horse because we never argued. In reality it was because I bottled up any annoyances and kept my mouth shut. I can only see that now. We've argued plenty since then but we communicate far more too and argue less over the years. We got together late teens and are late 20's now so have gone through alot of growing up together.

I think it's normal to argue, row or bicker occasionally, as long as it is resolved and apologies are given and it never turns violent. When it is abusive or constant, with no resolutions or apologies, then I think it's a problem. Times of stress obviously mean you argue more but there will be better times too surely?

I think it's perfectly healthy to have arguments- I cannot imagine any circumstances in which 2 adults could live together and bring up children together without sometimes disagreeing or occasionally being stressed and upsetting each other. It's what form the arguments take and how they deal with it afterwards that are the issue for me. If one party always has to 'give in' to the other for the sake of peace, that's not good. If people are intentionally hurtful/nasty when arguing (eg bringing up issues they know the other is sensitive about, name calling etc) that's not good.

My MIL would tell you that she and FIL only argued 3 times in all their 30 years of marriage. DH tells me this is correct, but only because the 3 rows they did have were huge and afterwards FIL refused to speak to MIL until she apologised and agreed to do things his way (on one occasion apparently this included silent treatment for nearly a week whilst on holiday). I think I'd rather have our small, fairly frequent arguments after which we both agree we were stressed and unreasonable and move on.

What makes you think it's not?
Do your parents have a happy marriage?
I consider it totally normal.

The problem I have is that my partner never raises any issues. I'm on a pedastal so it always seems to be me that starts arguments. Our relationship is fairly new and it's been about emotional stuff. I suppose everyone has their own ways of dealing with things.

Of course it's normal and healthy for a husband and wife to have arguments and disagreements. I would be more concerned if arguments did not happen. A person who is able to express their feelings / emotions freely is probably more connected and feel they are in a deep commitment relationship where they feel they are able to say anything without feeling scared of upsetting the other.