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Relationships

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I finally met someone significant after searching all my twenties/thirties and dating all of the 'bad boys.' Why have i had this reaction?!

10 replies

keysjar5 · 07/10/2018 19:49

im 35, had about 4 "serious" relationships and one abusive 7 month one which ended 3 years ago. all i wanted for as long as i can remember is a husband and family. i am independent, have friends and a life and a good career, but the family set up was always something i wanted too.

so i decided at 32 to focus on only AVAILABLE men - i.e not men who didnt want children/didnt have emotional problems or were needy/wanted to travel/played games.

then i met someone who ticks all the boxes...even sex is great, better than i have ever experienced. he calls when he says he will. hes straightforward, no games. it is so easy and calm.

but i keep getting scared. i feel like we could very likely marry, have kids and forever after. and with that i feel like that part of my youth is gone forever...the dramas i used to have with men, the drunken snogs on a night out, the first kisses...basically ALL of the stuff that i spent my entire twenties wishing would be replaced by marriage and kids!

i almost feel in shock still that it feels so right and so calm and so normal and easy and with that i realise that suddenly i am on the verge of saying goodbye to the struggles of the past. it sounds silly but i after all this time im actually quite scared of something real.

has anyone ever experienced this?

OP posts:
EleanorLoves · 07/10/2018 19:51

Do you think you're in love with him?

keysjar5 · 07/10/2018 19:53

i am certainly falling in love. hes different to anyone i have ever dated. it is calm and drama free...

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 07/10/2018 19:55

Change is hard, and to be confronted with something you've always wanted and idealized is a big possible transition. Embrace it and push through your misgivings. He sounds like a keeper. Smile

I found mine like that and have been happily married for 21 years with two lovely kids. Sometimes dreams do come true.

SparklyMagpie · 07/10/2018 20:01

Oh yes I get this, it's so utterly different isn't it.
I was single for 4 years after falling pregnant and my relationship ending, an I spent that time hoping one day I'd meet that right someone. And by chance I did.

I have never had feelings before like I do now, and I've never felt happier and respected an even now confident.

He's shown me what i'd been missing but I do sometimes have moments where it kind of doesn't feel real if that makes sense? The way I'm treated, an the way I know I should be is abit of a shock occasionally

But I love him and he brings so much more to my life and it feels so good to be happy again

One thing that stood out for me in your post " it's calm and drama free"

Its abit of a mad feeling isn't it Grin

dilly123 · 07/10/2018 20:03

Had very strong feelings for my OH for several years... he's broken my heart twice before by calling things off.. been together again for 3 months... he's a very different person this time actually he's been lovely, all his faults before aren't there he's attentive, committed & thoughtful but still I can't shake the feeling the bubble will burst.. I'm living the life I've dreamt about for years & it scares me shitless... but on the other hand I've survived him dumping me before so I'll survive it again should it happen... sometimes in this short life you have to take risks!
Relax & enjoy each day without too much overthinking Smile

glitterystuff · 07/10/2018 20:03

Sometimes when you get what you want, need, and deserve, it all feels much more scary because you have more to potentially "lose" if in the future it didn't work out... So your mind tries to devalue it.

Tell that scared part of you what Shakespeare said; "''tis better to have loved and lost, than ne'er to have loved at all"...

It's also better to allow yourself to be loved and to lose that, that never to be loved at all.

Then remind yourself that despite there always being a chance things don't work out, there's a chance things WILL work out!

Now how about that? How about letting yourself bathe in the goodness?

Flowers
glitterystuff · 07/10/2018 20:14
  • ^ hope that last sentence didn't come across as condescending lol... it was meant as a kindly gesture - especially since I'm familiar with a similar fear...
keysjar5 · 07/10/2018 20:17

thank you xx lovely posts. it is definitely a feeling of "what now?"

i am not used to it at all.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 07/10/2018 22:44

i am not used to it at all.

I often felt like a jerk magnet when dating. The reality is that there are a lot of jerks out there, and lots of the good men are already paired off.

What now? Enjoy and work on the relationship. Share yourself with him. Be happy. Smile

Stillme1 · 07/10/2018 23:15

After a lot of dodgy relationships with dodgy males, I have thought how true it is that we have to kiss a lot of frogs etc.
I met someone over a year ago and I still wonder when the bubble is going to go bang.
We are not used to niceness and find it difficult t handle.

Take all the love and fun that is in your life now and enjoy having love and loving him. It is lovely to have nice in our lives

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