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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I wrong for this?

13 replies

MummyTo31994 · 07/10/2018 17:10

Hi,

Basically, me and my partner have been together on and off for nearly 7 years now.
Throughout the time we have been together whilst still in a relationship in the past I have found him chatting up other women, planning to meet them for sex etc and I've forgave him for it all etc.
He has been violent in the past (he got arrested and a caution), whenever we have an argument he calls me every name under the sun, I'm being investigated at the moment for cervical cancer, awaiting biopsy results and he told me I'm making it up to get attention, I have previous mental health issues and he tells me to kill myself etc.
Well, today we had an argument because our 2 boys are severely poorly with colds and I was going to do shopping and he wanted me to drag them out with me so I was a bit upset and he had a right go at me for it telling me I was an a*hole a dkhead and I'm making up all my problems etc. Was taking the mickey out of me because I had to have a camera up my anus yesterday to also check for colon cancer, he threw our tv remote at my arm and broke it as Well as bruising me, threw his bag of clothes at my stomach (baring in mind one of my problems is very severe stomach pain) and then forced me to pick it all up for him, he even got my deodorant spraying it in my face directly at me saying "your stinks" and threw it right past me, was trying to break our 9 month old sons cot baring in mind while he was having a go at me and throwing things at me our 3 year old autistic son said "Daddy, stop it", he has speech problems for him to say anything clear is amazing.
Anyway, after all this he made me go shopping without the kids so I went shopping and came back, I was still very upset so didn't talk to him much and just played with the kids, anyway the kids went bed and we were left awake and he told me to go shop for him baring in mind it's late, I knew I had to and knew it would get me away from him so I was like ok but I want to eat some ice cream first, anyway I went and sat at the front door with a bowl of ice cream to get some space and he followed me so I went back into the kitchen and he followed me into the kitchen going mad at me saying I need to stop "treating him like sht" because I walked away.
Anyway, my main question is is it wrong that I wanted some space after everything he said and done?
Anyway, it was gone 10pm and I finally got to go to the shop for him and couldn't help but take a slow walk hoping someone grabbed me and killed me on the way :(
I don't know what to do, maybe if I wasn't so fat and ugly I'd make him happy?:(

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 07/10/2018 17:12

What’s wrong is that you haven’t dumped this shithead for good. Time to put that right.

denialhuh · 07/10/2018 17:13

Sweetheart does he actually have any redeeming features?

Someone will be along shortly with practical advice but this is no way to live Flowers

indisdress · 07/10/2018 17:15

Hello, OP. You've had replies on your other two posts. Do you not know how to find them?

Autumnfairy82 · 07/10/2018 17:17

He is abusive. You need to get yourself and your children away from this man.

Oddcat · 07/10/2018 17:18

Yes Op , you've posted this before and I expect you'll get the same answers as before - you need to leave him and look after yourself.

NotTheFordType · 07/10/2018 17:21

"mabye if i wasn't so fat and ugly I'd make him happy"

that seems extremely unlikely

More like if he wasn't so psychopathic he'd make you happy

DianaT1969 · 07/10/2018 17:30

Long OP!

Aprilislonggone · 07/10/2018 17:36

Next time he threatens you ring the police and have him removed. Press charges.
You need to keep your dc safe before a neighbour reports you. Ss need to see you taking measures to get rid of him.
Or you risk losing your dc.

Cheddarsmedders · 07/10/2018 17:55

Throwing things at you is domestic violence. He’s also verbally abusing you and controlling you.
He’s scaring and upsetting your children and this will change and affect their lives forever. He won’t change, no matter what you look like - I am sure you are not fat and not ugly. You sound like a good person and you don’t deserve this.
The way he is treating you is not your fault and it’s not normal. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry Flowers

subspace · 07/10/2018 17:56

You are a victim of domestic abuse.

It's not your fault.

You, and your children are at high risk of further attacks and worse violence.

Please Get Out Now.

PickAChew · 07/10/2018 17:56

He's vile. Nothing will make him happy.

Angelf1sh · 07/10/2018 18:01

Op this is at least your third thread, the advice isn’t going to change- he’s dangerous and you should leave him.

Sforsh49 · 07/10/2018 18:25

Throwing a tv remote at you and bruising you is assault, throwing a bag of clothing at your stomach is assault, spraying deodorant in your face is assault, if you call the Police they will arrest him (you can still do this even though it was yesterday). You have bruising and the tv remote is broken, this is evidence that supports your account. He would be charged and put before the court. You will get breathing space from him while the case is ongoing. The Police can put you in touch with an IDVA who can help support you.
You need to help yourself, this is affecting your children. If you don't get help for you, get it for your kids sake.
If you don't want to call the Police, you can get help from Women's Aid, please at least contact them to support you if nothing else.

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