gaslighting

[Feckers2018]

Anyway. Went out for a few glasses of wine Friday night after work. Was tipsy but ok. Only out for 2 hours. As soon as I walked in h said are you drunk? I said a bit. He said you are slurring. I wasn't. So I messed around on face-book etc. Obviously he thought I was more drunk than I was and he started to make up things I'd said. Supposedly critical of him. I said why are you making things up? His answer was to defend it and insist I had. Tedious. He then ran upstairs and ignored me for the rest of the evening.

When I brought it up the next morning he treated me with such hatred.

Whats going on?
No I don't drink very often.

Does he usually 'play up' when you go out? Do you rarely go out because the aftermath isn't worth it? If so, it's a control thing. He was going to try and make you feel like you are a nasty drunk so you choose not to go out yourself, but you foiled him and now he's sulking because his plan backfired and he couldn't think of a valid excuse for his behaviour so legged it rather than admit it. Bet he tries to pretend nothing happened in the morning.

How have people got the energy for all these games? Surely once you've found your life partner you just watch each other's backs? Not criticise and try to make them feel bad. If he's unhappy, he needs to come clean and tell you what's bugging him!

Exactly but he never has. He's an addict in recovery. So I assume he's trying to turn the tables on me.

His anger the next day was so bullying and cold. If I dare bring this up he will pretend it didn't happen.

He's a lying manipulative Dick ...

Maybe he’s struggling with his own sobriety and is projecting his anger at himself on to you.

He's trying to punish you for having fun.

Very strange. I'm sorry that's happening to you.

I'd be inclined to agree that he's projecting. Just because he's clean/sober, doesn't mean he's free of problematic behaviours - especially if he's not working on things - just "dry"...

Also I'd be inclined to let him think I'm drunk when I'm stone cold sober and not even a bit tipsy (just acting like it) and see whether he tries it again.

That way he'd be completely unable to say "well you say you're tipsy - how do you know you're not actually more drunk than you think?"

Then he could be challenged on it without having any way to dispute it. Maybe a fellow sober friend may be able to help him look at it, and/or it'll give you clarity on whether you want to put up with it yourself.