Before 30 crisis

[Florenceblondie]

I'm 28. Had dd age 19, she's 8. Dad not involved at all. I have a dp who I have been with for 7 years. He's loyal, kind, generous, all in all amazing. We bought our home a year ago.
I feel like a complete idiot. On paper I have everything any woman could want.
Dp wants a baby. I thought I did but now if I'm honest with myself I don't. I want to live, I want to have fun, I want to be selfish. I can't see myself going back to nappies and high chairs.
I have a stupid crush on a man at work, I'm sure it's mutual. He's married. I know how awful and wrong that is so I don't talk to him. I avoid him. He is a good man and is doing the same. It won't happen.
I just feel so trapped. I love dp but yes I'm a bit bored and no amount of date nights etc solve that. I don't want more children.
Dp can sense I'm not 100%. He knows about the crush. I just feel like my life is just work and housework. Day in day out. I love to horse ride, I would love my own horse but it would take up too much time and money that I don't have. I feel like everything I want I can't touch because it either costs too much, takes up too much time or is fucking married.
I just don't know if I need to sit tight and ride this out or if I need to do something.
I've spoke to dp about how i feel, he says life is just like that.

Life's too short. Can you rent a room/ place away from him for 6 months to get your head together?

99% you only have the crush on the guy at work because you are bored and because he is married.
Have you told your dp you don't want any more children?

If you are 100% sure you don't want another child, please do the decent thing and tell your DP that. And let him make his decision about his long term future from there.

Male fertility does fall with age, albeit not to the extent that female fertility does.

I told him that i don't want children right now and I'm not sure when I will ever be ready. He said he will wait until i am ready....but I don't know if I ever will be. One thing this situation has made me realise is how quick things can change. I'm not sure I even want to get married now because I could end up feeling like this in 2 years or 20 years too.

The grass is always greener! I think you need to be honest with your DP about not wanting more children and your boredom. If you decide together that you have a future, you need to work on injecting some fun into your life - together!

The thing is attraction. I'm not sure I am totally attracted to dp anymore. I didn't care because he is amazing in every other way...but when I met my crush I was over powered by attraction to him. He made me feel like a silly teenager. I thought that part of me was dead and gone. I feel attracted to other men when before I wouldn't care less.

Your crushes could be in part your hormones/biological clock even though you are young. Your head is the sensible one saying no more DC but our bodies are decades behind thinking we need to get the best male copulate and create more babies 🙈

You are right to be honest with your DP and not rush into marriage etc. What's stopping you learning to ride etc?

I do ride already but I know owning a horse would give me so much freedom and me time. A focus....but I can't afford one.

I agree with your DP. We can’t have everything we want in life. And you don’t have the luxury of being selfish any more. You’re a mother.

I have some sympathy for you as I was married at 18 and had my first baby at 20. I’m only slightly older than you. I didn’t have freedom and excitement when I was younger, but I can’t try to recapture that now I’m older. Life has moved on, it’s just too bad. I have a responsibility to my children now. Life is a treadmill of sorts with children, and my own wish for excitement or fun has to be met within those constraints.