Should I tell this lady??

[Onlytheused]

A few months ago, I went on a few dates with a guy. Found out pretty quickly he was a serial cheat AND he'd been seeing someone the whole time, so ended it pretty quickly. The last few weeks, he's been texting me, practically begging to meet up, which I've obviously denied. Both this weekend and last, he's sent messages basically suggesting we should have sex again He's also recently become 'Facebook official' with the woman he was seeing WHILE we were dating.

I don't envy her at all. I have zero interest in being with this guy. But, having been cheated on in the past and years wasted, my question is - should I tell her? To be honest I don't know this girl at all, but I just feel some sort of duty to warn her off the years of hurt she's surely got to come? Or should I leave it? Totally recognise my motivations could be coming from a very personal place and this could be very out of order.

I’d tell her, the sooner she knows the better

I’d tell her. I’d say I didn’t know about her and ended it once I’d found out, but that he’s seemingly got different ideas. Then I’d send a few screenshots of his messages if you still have them and leave her to it. I would probably block both of them at that point as I’d have said everything I needed to and I wouldn’t want to get the inevitable splash back when the shit hits the fan.

I'd tell her. Keep it factual with screenshots of the messages. If it's texts delete his from your contacts so that his number will appear at the top. Don't give him any way to wriggle out of it.

What she does with the information is up to her but it's better she finds out what he's like now than a few years down the line.

Did you wear condoms when you had sex OP? I’d be more concerned about HIV etc if he was one of those guys who “doesn’t do condoms”.

Re telling, yes I probably would but it’ll be really difficult not to come across as the bitter OW. So yes - as factual as possible, and expect fallout from him...good luck!

If I was her I'd want to be told. X

Screen shot messages and save her some heartbreak for the future 😊

I wouldnt bother telling her. every woman i know thats ever been told (through friends situations) has always stayed with the man. I wouldnt get involved.

Tell

Yes, tell her. It's only right. Maybe she'll believe you and maybe she won't. But you don't ever want this poor lady to wake up in ten years time to discover her life has been a lie.
And like PP's have said, men like him can do what they do because so many women stay silent.

So you tell her then she dumps him. 2 weeks later hes on facebook with someone else- then what do you do? Contact her too? This could go on and on. He might see it as a vendetta. If the girl was a friend of yours that would be different. Esp difficult if hes a family friend. Id leave it.

I would definitely tell her, poor woman. Would you prefer someone told you or kept you in the dark?

Nope. Block him and keep out of it.

Can You say the name? First one anyway

Screenshot and tell her. At least this way she can make an informed choice whether to end things or be that fool who thinks she can change him. And even more so if he's one of the cannot wear a condom because I cannot keep it hard dirty fuckers.

I’d always tell because I’d always want to know. I think it’s doing the right thing. Imagine finding out then realising other people all knew and didn’t bother to tell you.

Tell her then block him off everything and anyone connected with him.

I vote tell her

I vote tell her. Why should he be allowed to treat you and her so badly?

Before telling or not telling her I would do the following : text him to ask him what does XY (state the full name) means for him. According to his response I will decide to tell her or not. If I tell her I will have a face to face meeting with her where I show her his "stalkings", your question about his relationship with her and his answer. This way she understand that you had her best interests in mind when you approached her. Please if you tell make sure that you do it only face to face and with no track of it all (call her to agree about where and when to meet...don't let her take screens of the texts:that way you are never ever part of this relationship of it survives the telling)..Knowledge is Power and Power is Responsibility..Tough...
Good Luck

I was in a similar situation many years ago. I messaged. I got a whole lot of denile back (That I didn't know their relationship, that I was a liar (I had messages but ok) that he loved her, that she loved him.. blah blah) she worked it out for herself in the next year or so when he had slept with half of the alternative nightclub we both wen't to. Block him and forget.

Another tell her vote from me. I’m currently in a situation where I’m sure something is going on with DP and I would definitely want to know - us ladies need to stick together and stop covering their cheating backsides

I am on the fence, I was told about a new boyfriends cheat tendencies by a mutual acquaintance. I chose to ignore it. We split up a few months later and he went out with another mutual acquaintance (a different one) to whom he is now married. I have no idea if he was faithful to me, or indeed his now wife, but the fact is I ignored first mutual friends advice anyway as I was in the first flush of a relationship. (he was a nob anyway).

I wish the OP would come back and tell us what she has decided. Even if the person rejects it, doesn't believe you etc, it doesn't matter. She (or he) still deserves to know the truth. What the receiver does with that information is up to them. It doesn't negate that the right thing to do is to tell them.