Feel so resentful and unhappy about lack of support

[Leopardmouse]

Really struggling with being a single mum. My ex has completely fucked off, gone as far to suggest to friends/family he doesn’t think DD is his. He’s started a new family now and completely wiped us out of his life.

I have little to no support - friends have all but dissapeared except for an occasional message of ‘we need to catch up soon/DD must be getting so big’ but whenever I try and make plans there’s always some excuse friends I used to see regularly I’ve only seen once or twice in the two years since DD was born.

Every day just feels really sad and lonely. I have next to no chance of meeting anyone or getting into another relationship because I have nobody to look after DD ever. I feel completely trapped, and any time I’ve tried to express how I feel to friends/family I usually get a respones along the lines of ‘well what did you expect having a baby?’ Well not for my babys father to abandon us, financially and emotionally cut ties .

I love DD and do feel incredibly lucky to have her despite my unhappiness, but the pregnancy was unplanned and a deciding factor to continuing with it was my ex’s encouragement and support that he really wanted our baby. I feel so resentful he is allowed to walk away and just pretend we no longer exist - he’s started working cash in hand solely to avoid maintence payments and CMS have informed me there is nothing they can do.

Just a rant more than anything, but I really don’t know where to go from here and would appreciate any words of wisdom or advice. I feel quite overwhelmed and hopeless at the moment.

I could have written your post. My partner left me and our six week old baby a year ago and the resentment is still overwhelming. Like you I was apprehensive about having another child but I believed all his promises about how he'd never let me down etc. Now I'm here doing everything myself, exhausted, while he lives the care free life. All I can say is - when you're going through hell, keep going. Get through one day, then the next. Sending my thoughts and admiration to you because I know how bloody hard it is.

This was me.
My dd is 7 now. I left her dad when I was 6 months pregnant due to him cheating.
Do you have any family? You said your friends have gone - that normally happens sadly.

Is there anything you would like to do for you? I went back to college and dd went to a childminder for 3 days a week - I met lovely people/friends and had some me time - also helped me with my change of career :-)

It does get better! And trust me when you do meet someone - it's like having 2 kids lol x

This was me too. My DD is now 9. No contact with her father since she was almost 3 , no money nothing. Can't do anything about it as he's living abroad. It's really hard when they are young, it does get a bit easier I think when they approach school years.

Are there any single parent groups in your area? Do you have any family support? Have you been able to think about what to do work wise longer term?

Also pop over to the single parents part of this forum.

I think the worst thing about the early years was the loneliness. It was awful.

Have you looked at the gingerbread website? I found some of their information very helpful.

I was the same as you with my first DC. Unplanned and in truth we should never have bothered trying to stay together at the beginning. I left him. I was 400miles away from family and had no baby sitters either. I just accepted that was the way it was. Lived for my DS, visited my family a few times a year. You should get out and see if there are one o clock clubs locally or other groups you can join. Look on Facebook for any groups in the local area...I should add that after my little one was 4 I did meet someone else and have theee more DC!

I could have also written these exact words myself! My DD is now coming up one and her fathers never been involved. I have no support from family or friends and live alone, so cannot date at all.

This first year I’ve found it very hard to deal with the loneliness but it does help focusing on something else. I’ve not long started university and am also going to baby groups to try and get out and meet others.

So while I can’t give you much advice, you definately aren’t alone in feeling this way! We can only hope it gets better in the future and for now focus on yourself and your child x