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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he right? Am I in the wrong?

16 replies

MummyTo31994 · 06/10/2018 22:44

Hi,

Basically, me and my partner have been together on and off for nearly 7 years now.
Throughout the time we have been together whilst still in a relationship in the past I have found him chatting up other women, planning to meet them for sex etc and I've forgave him for it all etc.
He has been violent in the past (he got arrested and a caution), whenever we have an argument he calls me every name under the sun, I'm being investigated at the moment for cervical cancer, awaiting biopsy results and he told me I'm making it up to get attention, I have previous mental health issues and he tells me to kill myself etc.
Well, today we had an argument because our 2 boys are severely poorly with colds and I was going to do shopping and he wanted me to drag them out with me so I was a bit upset and he had a right go at me for it telling me I was an ahole a dkhead and I'm making up all my problems etc. Was taking the mickey out of me because I had to have a camera up my anus yesterday to also check for colon cancer, he threw our tv remote at my arm and broke it as Well as bruising me, threw his bag of clothes at my stomach (baring in mind one of my problems is very severe stomach pain) and then forced me to pick it all up for him, he even got my deodorant spraying it in my face directly at me saying "your stinks" and threw it right past me, was trying to break our 9 month old sons cot baring in mind while he was having a go at me and throwing things at me our 3 year old autistic son said "Daddy, stop it", he has speech problems for him to say anything clear is amazing.
Anyway, after all this he made me go shopping without the kids so I went shopping and came back, I was still very upset so didn't talk to him much and just played with the kids, anyway the kids went bed and we were left awake and he told me to go shop for him baring in mind it's late, I knew I had to and knew it would get me away from him so I was like ok but I want to eat some ice cream first, anyway I went and sat at the front door with a bowl of ice cream to get some space and he followed me so I went back into the kitchen and he followed me into the kitchen going mad at me saying I need to stop "treating him like sh*t" because I walked away.
Anyway, my main question is is it wrong that I wanted some space after everything he said and done?
Anyway, it's gone 10pm and I'm only just on the way to the shop for him and I can't help but take a slow walk hoping someone grabs me and kills me on the way:(
I don't know what to do, maybe if I wasn't so fat and ugly I'd make him happy? :(

OP posts:

lifebegins50 · 06/10/2018 22:51

Omg, he is really abusive to you.He is assaulting you infront of your children.

Poor you..do you have family for support?
Can you phone womens aid? You don't deserve to be treated like this. For your boys sake you need to leave.

MattBerrysHair · 06/10/2018 22:53

Op, so so much of this is wrong. Read your post back to yourself and imagine it's one of your friends or relatives in your position. What would you tell them? That man is the perpetrator of emotional and physical abuse and he will never change. If you can phone womens aid please do. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he treats you.

Floyella · 06/10/2018 22:54

Christ on a bike you're not wrong. You shouldn't be with him - I'm worried he will seriously hurt you.

Please keep yourself safe - the only way to do that is to leave him.

MrsMoastyToasty · 06/10/2018 22:54

If a stranger had done this to you then they would be up for a charge for GBH. Why should you accept it from someone who is supposed to be your nearest and dearest? Your equal?
Look at your post as if it was a friend telling the story. You'd be telling them to get the hell out of the relationship, wouldn't you?
Don't let the lowlife scum be a role model for your children.

MsMotherOfDragons · 06/10/2018 22:56

My god, this man is so abusive and treats you so badly. Run, run, run.

Please leave. You'll be so much happier and more confident without this abusive fuckwit pulling you down and hurting you more.

DonkeyPlease · 06/10/2018 22:58

Please think of your children and get them away from this man.

cestlavielife · 06/10/2018 22:59

You will never make him happy
You need to leave him for your sake and dc sake
Go to ypur gp Monday tell them everything as you said here. They can point you to local services

noego · 06/10/2018 23:00

And call the police if this behaviour continues

cestlavielife · 06/10/2018 23:01

The fact there is a record of a cautiin is useful.
It means you need to go back to police repirt the agression throwing thin gs at you and control
Control is a crime now

Starlight345 · 06/10/2018 23:03

You and the children need to get away from him. Call women’s aid and the police.

It is really important you at least log this with the police . It will help protect your children at a later stage.

Joe66 · 06/10/2018 23:05

Leave. You and your children are entitled to a life free from abuse.

fikel · 06/10/2018 23:06

Get the hell out of there, this is not love, he is a monster. Don’t let your children witness this. You are worth so much more xxxx

biggirlknickers · 06/10/2018 23:06

Anyway, my main question is is it wrong that I wanted some space after everything he said and done?

No. It’s never wrong to want some space, even if he had behaved like an angel for 7 years.

You are in an abusive, controlling and violent relationship. You need to get yourself and your children out of this situation.

You could be living a life where you get to make all your own decisions all the the time. Nobody to answer to. Nobody else to please but you and your children. You could soon be living a life knowing that those around you respect and love you and would never deliberately hurt or humiliate you. You could be free. Your children could be safe and never ever have to witness the adults in their house shouting, swearing and hurting each other again. You could have a brand new start - just you and your precious little ones. They need you to do this for them. You could all have a peaceful and hopeful future.

Women’s Aid will help you to make this happen. Please please contact them.

Olderbyaminute · 07/10/2018 01:32

You should have brought his fucking food with arsenic sprinkled in it! Run.dont walk.away

differentnameforthis · 07/10/2018 03:42

Your children are witnessing DV, that not means they are being abused (subjecting children to witnessing violence is child abuse)

Nothing you do, or don't do will make him happy. You need to make plans to leave before your children are deemed at risk by the official channels.

AgentJohnson · 07/10/2018 06:12

For whatever reason what makes him ‘happy’ is treating you like shit. Is this the male role model you want for your boys? Is this how you’d want them to treat women in the future? There isn’t a different him waiting around the corner, this is who he is.

It’s time to make the off in this on/off relationship, permanent.

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