Am I in the wrong?

[MummyTo31994]

Hi,

Basically, me and my partner have been together on and off for nearly 7 years now.
Throughout the time we have been together whilst still in a relationship in the past I have found him chatting up other women, planning to meet them for sex etc and I've forgave him for it all etc.
He has been violent in the past (he got arrested and a caution), whenever we have an argument he calls me every name under the sun, I'm being investigated at the moment for cervical cancer, awaiting biopsy results and he told me I'm making it up to get attention, I have previous mental health issues and he tells me to kill myself etc.
Well, today we had an argument because our 2 boys are severely poorly with colds and I was going to do shopping and he wanted me to drag them out with me so I was a bit upset and he had a right go at me for it telling me I was an a*hole a dkhead and I'm making up all my problems etc. Was taking the mickey out of me because I had to have a camera up my anus yesterday to also check for colon cancer, he threw our tv remote at my arm and broke it as Well as bruising me, threw his bag of clothes at my stomach (baring in mind one of my problems is very severe stomach pain) and then forced me to pick it all up for him, baring in mind while he was having a go at me and throwing things at me our 3 year old autistic son said "Daddy, stop it", he has speech problems for him to say anything clear is amazing.
Anyway, after all this he made me go shopping without the kids so I went shopping and came back, I was still very upset so didn't talk to him much and just played with the kids, anyway the kids went bed and we were left awake and he told me to go shop for him baring in mind it's late, I knew I had to and knew it would get me away from him so I was like ok but I want to eat some ice cream first, anyway I went and sat at the front door with a bowl of ice cream to get some space and he followed me so I went back into the kitchen and he followed me into the kitchen going mad at me saying I need to stop "treating him like sht" because I walked away.
Anyway, my main question is is it wrong that I wanted some space after everything he said and done?
Anyway, it's gone 10pm and I'm only just on the way to the shop for him and I can't help but take a slow walk hoping someone grabs me and kills me on the way:(
I don't know what to do, maybe if I wasn't so fat and ugly I'd make him happy? :(

OP, do you honestly, sincerely believe that you are in the wrong? Do you really, truly look at this and think you're the one at fault?

Or do you think that, for whatever reason, you SHOULD feel this way?

Please contact women’s aid and leave. He is abusing you! You are living on egg shells and it will affect your kids.

Tbh I don't know what I believe anymore, I was sexually abused as a child, he even uses that against me.

I read two sentences and thought you should leave bastard. Get some counselling to sort out your own head. You deserve so much more.

You need to leave this is abuse OP

@MummyTo31994 please don’t feel like your ugly etc I bet your a lovely person and an amazing mum . You should not even be considering your in the wrong what he’s doing to you is abusive no one deserves to put up with that . Do you have someone you can speak to family friends ? Big hugs

Op why are you still with this man? You want to live the rest of your life like this?

@Ribbon86 Unfortunately not, I feel so alone.

You have us

He’s an evil abusive bastard. Please contact women’s aid and get you and your children away from him. I think this is probably the worst tale of abuse I’ve ever read on here. I’m so sorry you’ve had to put up with this and you don’t deserve it in any way at all

OP, no! The only thing you're doing wrong is doubting yourself. Please, please get away from this awful creature. Do you want your children to grow up thinking it is okay to treat people like he treats you? You are not his slave, his possession, his verbal, emotional or physical punchbag. You are a human being, worthy of love and kindness. If he can't show you that at a time when you have these health concerns, he will never show you it. Show it to yourself and get out. Surely it can't be worse than this.

OP, please don't believe any of the crap he's telling you. I've got years in my eyes reading your post, reading about how he is grinding you down. This is terrible abusive behaviour and you must get yourself and your kids away from it. Your 3 year old is already being affected by it.

Please Google Women's Aid right away and call them to ask for help. It will be a life-changing move for you.

You're not fat, ugly, incompetent or any of the things he says you are. He's the one who has an ugly soul and a sick mind. Please start believing in yourself as a capable, strong woman and mother and make that first move. It'll be hard, but you can't go on like this. Sending best wishes to you, OP.

That’s your question? We’re you wrong to walk away from him? My question is what the fuck are you doing with this guy at all? Do you have support irl? He’s violent, abusive and you need to get him out of your life for good. Everything he’s ever said to you is a lie, don’t believe the stuff that’s designed to stop you leaving.

why are you with him? he is violent to you and worst of all infront of your kids.

Why are you going to the shop for him? Why can't he go? Honestly, I've heard it all now! And you think you're in the wrong? Just get out as soon as you can PLEASE!

@MummyTo31994 please let us know your ok ?

It’s normal for those in abudive relationships to doubt themselves.

One trick my counsellor gave me if I doubted myself was to hold a mirror up to the situation. Would I behave like that towards him if the situation were reversed?

Please ask yourself this every time he makes you feel bad. You’ll soon see not only that he’s abusive as you’d never do that to him, but just how often he abuses you. It’ll be more than you think as you’ve become used to minimising his behaviour. The sooner you wake up to him and work on an exit plan the better for you and your children

He's a piece of shit, start getting yourself sorted and making plans to leave him.

He’s a horrendous, destructive, hTeful piece of crap.

Please leave him.

You may as well have asked if you should stay with a savage rabied dog who was tearing your throat out. Er, nope. No. Run away, very fast. You can do it.

This is abuse. Even your 3yo can see it and is begging for it to stop. You have to end it for the sake of your children. Call women's aid if you need support, but you have to leave him and protect your kids from seeing this as a normal relationship, because it's not.

There is a much better future waiting for you and your children if you can dig deep and find the strength to leave for good. You know all the tricks he will try to get you back because he has done them before. Contact Women's Aid and be very careful to clear your internet history etc. As you will know abuse often escalates when you try to leave. If you can't leave for you, leave for the children. Witnessing abuse is a type of abuse in itself. You need to protect your children.

You are certainly not in the wrong. Hope you are ok today.

You need to exit this situation as soon as possible. Women's Aid will tell you how.