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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Desperate situation please help

7 replies

sad22 · 06/10/2018 19:20

Hi I am a father of two teenagers live close to my wife's family in Scotland so have no support. a few months ago my wife asked for a short separation as we were going through a bad patch we have been together 20 years and never had any physical violence or anything.
A few days ago she took out a non molestation order against me because I said I had nowhere to live and needed to return home. Currently sleeping on friend's sofa. It's a nightmare and will take weeks to overturn and I stress everything she put in her statement was fabricated - although she was at least honest enough to say I have never used any physical violence against her. I pay all the mortgage for our home that I can't even come within 200 yards of.
To make matters worse another home that we have had since being married but always rented out she sneakily rented it out to a man when it was sitting empty so I cannot access there either. Why she is doing this to someone who has been in her own words and incredible father and best friend for so long is so so scary for me.
I would appreciate any advice on this as I'm at my witts end

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 06/10/2018 19:23

What has she actually said - the fact that you stress twice that there was neither anything physical suggests you could be downplaying other behaviour

Lynne1Cat · 06/10/2018 19:24

Has she got someone else?

Whatever the situation, she's being a bitch - unless there are things you're not mentioning here.

You need a solictor, fast. If she's in the home, why are you paying the mortgage? Tell her she can bloody well pay it if she's living there and you can't go there.

sad22 · 06/10/2018 19:25

It's just a mish mash of vague and trivial allegations like shouted at her on few occasions, erratic and she had to keep kids safe from me yet during the time she says she constantly left them with me while she went away overseas to work. her cruelty is making me physically ill and nobody can understand why she's being so extreme.

OP posts:
m0vinf0rward · 06/10/2018 19:27

Quartz...way to make a sexist generalisation...just because he's a man doesn't mean that he's either lying or a violent bully. May I suggest you stick to giving advice based upon the facts given by the OP and keep your bias to yourself.

sad22 · 06/10/2018 19:32

nobody else and kids with her etc

OP posts:
DameFanny · 06/10/2018 19:50

Why do you say she sneakily rented the other house when you also say it's always rented out?

And what help are you asking for?

LegalEagle99 · 06/10/2018 19:50

Have you responded to the order in any way?

A non mol cannot be granted just like that, there has to be just cause for it and often documented evidence of some kind of harassment, intimidation, threat, actual harm, physical violence or psychological abuse towards the person who has requested the order or, if there are involved, then harm towards them.

It involves a very detailed Witness Statement that is submitted to a Family Court judge and it must include any and all documentary evidence such as visits to the GP, Police involvement or any agencies that are accessed for support. A person who submits such an application has to swear to the accuracy of what they are stating or face prosecution should it transpire that they were lying. It is a very, very serious process.

Courts often want to hear from both parties to ensure that they have everything balanced before granting an order, especially where there is uncertainty of any kind. Your partner has applied for this order ex parte meaning you haven't been notified before the order has been granted because the Courts have deemed it unsafe for your partner for you to know in advance, which further means that the Courts have taken her allegations very seriously.

Do you have any previous history?

You can request a Return Hearing where you go and argue your case for why the order should not be applied and further should be lifted.
You can also request what is called an Undertaking which is essentially you promising to adhere to certain rules set by the Court with your partners consent. It is less formal and less serious than a non mol but carries the same penalties of breach; which brings me the point that you should NOT under any circumstances breach the current order as it is seen as a criminal offence, you will be arrested and you can be sent to prison for a maximum of 5 years.

Finally, get some sound legal advice and if you cannot communicate with your partner directly, look into Mediation. As much as this sucks, you're pretty much powerless at this stage to do anything about until the Courts have followed due process.

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