This isn't normal or am I needy

[onemoresmartie]

Boyfriend was out last night at the pub where he works....doesn't apparently get up till 11.30am when he starts work again at 12. I get a text saying
Morning xxx
I ask him to ring me and he says he's at work
He said he had a heavy night and still feels drunk
Snapchat is showing he is constantly messaging/sending photos to someone

I'm so suspicious but I have no way of finding out what is going on

How long have you been together?

Nearly 3 years but we don't live together at the moment

How can you tell he is Snapchatting someone?!

Ok Snapchat if you click on someone's name and the number is always going up. I know he isn't snap chatting me tho 🤔
I know this is borderline psycho behaviour but I hate feeling like this

Id say trust your gut

So he went out on a Friday night and had a lay in the next morning but said hello to you between getting up and going to work and you’re asking if this is normal? Well if he’s anywhere up to the age of about 35, I’d say yes it’s perfectly normal. He’s on Snapchat whilst at work, again perfectly normal, especially if he’s working in a pub which might not be very busy at this time of day. If this is all you’ve got to go on then I think the problem is yours. You are just assuming he’s talking to one person and not multiple friends. You sound like you have serious trust issues and (again, if this is all you’ve got to go on) I wouldn’t put up with it if I were him. You’ve effectively been stalking him all morning because you’re watching what he’s doing and that’s not ok. You need to pull yourself together because your jealousy seems out of control.

Try to stay calm but i agree trust your gut , hope your ok

@Angelf1sh I think your being a little harsh .... clearly there is trust issues but he’s clearly giving her reason not to trust him

There are a lot of reasons why I don't trust him to be fair even though I want to. He is always chatting to other girls whether they are previous girlfriends or just girls he has met through the pub.
I don't know why I put up with it to be honest as I don't actually get anything from being in a relationship with him but I love him.

Thanks ribbon 🎀

I don't know why I put up with it to be honest as I don't actually get anything from being in a relationship with him but I love him.

I don’t think you understand what love is. You’re used to being with him, if you weren’t with him there would be a hole in your life where he used to be. You enjoy spending time with him when he isn’t making you feel shit and insecure. That isn’t love that’s habit.

Love is knowing that whoever he’s talking to, you’re his favourite person in the world. It’s being secure in the knowledge that he wouldn’t want to hurt you. It’s being able to communicate with each other openly and honestly, wanting the best for each other.

It’s isn’t a dizzying feeling of anxiety when you’re apart or a whoosh of relief when you’re together again.

Think seriously about why you’re still with him and whether this is what you want from your life.

Have you tried speaking to him about your concerns ? big hugs x

What do you think love is, OP? Do you not think that love involves being able to trust someone?

@Ribbon86, I don’t agree he’s giving her reason not to trust him based on this post. On the information given in the OP, I see no reason at all not to trust him. If there’s more to it, then fair enough, but in this post it’s literally 1, bf went out last night and got drunk 2, he’s gone to work this morning 3, he’s sending some Snapchat messages. None of that seems unreasonable to me and any concern BASED ON THAT ALONE seems totally needy.

OP if you don’t like the way he is with you or the way he is with other women and you believe you gain nothing from being in this relationship, then you should end it. There are plenty of other men in the world and the loss of a relationship that you gain nothing from is no real loss at all.

If you feel like this relationship is turning you into someone you don't want to be and you don't trust him, then for your own mental health and wellbeing you need to end it.

Look, love isn't enough. Sometimes a relationship just doesn't work however much love you throw at it. Love is not a good enough reason to grind your own self-esteem into the ground. Sure, it's painful to break up with someone, but it's a long-drawn out, long-term damaging pain sticking with something that isn't right for us.

Was he at work tho ? Why couldn’t he phone ? I understand the questions onemiresmartie has , it’s so easy to say don’t be with him but if she loves him it’s obviously hard to walk away , a wee bit of reassurance from him would probably help plus I’d imagine support from other people would also help right now

I just wonder how many women in relationships completely 100% have peace of mind....I wish it was me and envy women who are secure in their relationships

Plenty of women feel secure in their relationships. You don't have to settle for one where you don't or can't trust him. Life's too short.

You don't live together, presumably no dc together, you're not happy and get nothing from the relationship. Surely being single and having the opportunity to find someone you believe in and enjoy the relationship with is better than this?