Parents relationship

[Boobiewoobie]

My DM is miserable. My DF is retired, does bugger all and is a boring old fart. He's 10 years older than DM. They've been married 30 years. He used to work a lot so they enjoyed their time together but now he doesn't show much interest in even talking to her, they don't go out or do things together, they eat meals in silence, he's incapable of changing his routine and doesn't really consider her. He buys her a birthday present but it's something she wouldn't want in a million years and he expects a pat on the head. She's not quiet about what she wants or needs either. I don't know how to support her, I don't think she wants to upset the boat by leaving as she's not good with change either, but it's hard seeing her miserable. Advice please?

That's a tricky one.

I would set up some 'dates' (one at a time) with her - to do something you would both enjoy together (if you don't already) - a cooking class, trip to theatre, spa day, shopping, walk anything that you would both enjoy and is within budget...and away from your DF. Encourage her to seek out fun and interest independent from your DF.

I wouldn't bring up your DF at all but listen if she does (but don't try and become her therapist - especially as the daughter or both parties). I would, if the conversation naturally flows in that direction, encourage her to see a counsellor.

Just be there for her really, and some light relief.

Thanks @kingscorn

We already do quite a bit together and she has friends and a part time job and a life outside of him. I think she'd just like him to check in emotionally but she's not getting through to him. I think counselling may help her but she doesn't like the idea, though is doing regular meditation which is having an effect. She says it feels like he doesn't care about her though if she says this he tries out 'I do, you're my world' but it feels like he doesn't really and that's just what he says.

Unfortunately she can’t change him do she either accepts how things are or leaves. She’s already worked on ensuring she’s meeting her own needs so there’s not much else she can do