Advice on helping DH and MILs relationship

[blackcat86]

I have been with DH for 4 years, married for 1 and we have a 7 week old baby. He has a teenage son from a previous relationship who stays regularly. We see the in laws every other weekend at least and more now dd is here. Although they can be hard work and need a lot of entertaining, their heart seems in the right place. Even before I was pregnant they were desperate to help with the baby as they feel they missed out with their grandson due to a poor relationship with mum. DH seems to want to see his parents but it always ends in him and MIL coming to blows. He'll be annoyed before she's even said anything, she'll make digs, he'll retreat to the garden/sulk/stomp around and I'll be left to entertain. Last night I snapped and told him it has to stop because the visits are too tense and the situation isn't good for anyone. MIL needs to be around to get to know dd if she's offering childcare (1 or 2 days when I go back to work) and dd has particular routines and ways of feeding (she's a special care baby). I suggested a few different things such as going to their place so he could leave when he wants, only seeing them when he's not there etc but it seems to come down to him being angry at the way she bigs him up to family only to put him down to his face. She also prioritises literally every other family member (I've seen her do this) despite DH having severe stomach issues last year and struggling with his mental health. He seems to want a relationship with both parents but something needs to change and he seems lost. What can I do to support him and their relationship?

He has started to understand that a lot of MILs behaviour comes from her own anxiety and in my opinion her desperate need to be liked. I think her and FIL feel they have to put on a show and everything has to be embellished which I'm sure comes from DHs ex being a contact denier, using parental alienation and DS as a weapon with him and MIL in particular (mostly to get money out them). I offer lots of reassurance but there's some deep hurt there. MIL also had several miscarriages and a stillborn. I feel for the poor way she was treated in the 70s where she wasn't meant to talk about it. She says she won't have counselling now as they'll want to talk about the babies.