How to cope with MIL

[Jackjack]

Having been married for nearly 17 years you would have thought I could cope with her by now!! My MIL is driving me crazy. I do cope with being told how to bring my children up but her level of interference lately is too much. She apparently went through my 15yr olds school books and deciding he needs help went to ask a friend who is a teacher for help. No discussion with me or DH first. I’m so angry with her, DH seems to think I’m making “an issue” of it. If my 15yr old knew what she’d done I know he’d feel very angry with her. She has just texted me to say can she pop up over the weekend I say not really as we’ll be busy with the children’s activities etc and she basically says she’s coming anyway. Long & short of it is DH & I have had a row and I end up feeling guilty.

So be out. Let her come knocking on an empty house.
Block her number and let her go moaning to dh.

Don’t be there and don’t feel guilty. She is out of line. It’s your family, your children and she should learn her place.

Go out and let your DH deal with her.

My MIL does the 'Oh, I'll just pop over anyway' thing. I can't decide whether it's supposed to make me feel guilty (as she has about an hour's drive each way to get here) or catch me out in a lie (eg if I've told her we'll all be out/busy and when she arrives we're watching TV). I have been know to resort to impromptu dinners out to make sure we're not in!

I know that sounds unkind, since arguably if we're not doing anything else it shouldn't be a problem for her to come round. But she likes to come at least once a week and there are times where the DC are tired and just need some time to chill out.

Yes ‘stonesandsticks’ that’s just how I feel. In the summer if I told her we had a busy weekend she started turning up to my husband’s cricket matches! I felt like she was saying ‘you can’t stop me coming here!’ I just stopped going. When she’s here I get stuck with her as everyone else is suddenly ‘busy’. If I did that she’d be sat by herself

Ignore her.

Make sure your doors are all locked, windows closed and blinds tilted so she can't peer through and park any cars you have in the garage or in a neighbouring street so she doesn't think your home.

Ask her what the problem is..if she says why should there be a problem? just say well it does seem you are over dependant on us MIL? Should at least give her something to think about!!

Don't sit with her, let her sit by herself - DH needs to make the effort with her

Thanks everyone, reassuring to have some support

I'd let th m sit on their own as well

You've said your busy

Let DH make the effort

Carry on as if she's not there

When she’s here I get stuck with her as everyone else is suddenly ‘busy’. If I did that she’d be sat by herself

Then your DH needs to be looking after her, it's his mum after all.

As for her going through your DC's school books, your DH needs to buck up and realise it's totally wrong of her. And none of her business.