OH's mum commenting on my eating habits

[DisspicibleMe]

I've been with OH for just over a year.

I met his family about six months in.

Since then his mum has made comments to me, and to OH, about my eating habits because apparently she's worried about me not eating enough. She once told OH she thinks I'm anorexic.

I've told her a few times to stop making comments, which she responds with "I'm sorry, I'm only concerned about you". OH has also told her more forcefully to stop with the comments. She did for a while but her face says a thousand words and it's actually harder to deal with when she doesn't comment.

Basically, the issue is that she eats, and feeds people, giant portions. the food she eats is absolute junk. She drinks alcohol every night. She does no exercise. She's obese.

I'm a healthy size 8, I don't drink alcohol that often, I exercise a lot because I enjoy it, I love cooking and eating fresh food. I'm a healthy size 8-10. For OH's mum, this is all evidence that I'm "obsessed" with my weight and with exercise. I'm really not.

Am I going to have to seriously fall out with her about this because she won't stop making comments (or when she does stop, she still makes her opinions amply clear)?

Any advice on how to deal with this would be great.

It sounds like she is projecting her issues onto you.

Just ignore.

There are always haters of those who take responsibility for their own health, eat well and exercise. hills your head up high knowing you're making good choices.

I think it's bloody rude to comment to other people about their eating habits. I'm a fussy eater and people always see fit to comment. I hate it; it really upsets me. I try to laugh it off but why should I? The next person will get the sharp end of my tongue. I think all you can do is keep on repeating to her that you don't like her commenting and hope she gets the message. Or you could start making negative comments about her eating....see how she likes it.

Just tell her that the healthy BMI range is 18-25, and you’re in it. Might even lead to a conversation about her own BMI which would probably be a bad idea.

I've told her a few times to stop making comments, which she responds with "I'm sorry, I'm only concerned about you".

Perfect. This leads you to say "Doris, I'm really concerned about YOU. I've asked you, and BF has asked you, several times to stop making personal comments, but you still do it. I think you should see your GP because this forgetfulness could well be a sign of early onset dementia."

Ha, I like Ford's suggestion above! On the plus side at least your partner is happy to tell her as well - as he should be.

@NotTheFordType

That's brilliant!

The thing is that I have been ignoring it as much as possible but it's draining to just ignore someone who you feel is constantly having a dig at you.

@CrazySheepLady
Good for you! She perceives me to be a fussy eater because I've previously told her I don't like red wine or peas. Heaven knows what she'd do if she found out I don't have milk on my cereals

Oh that's really annoying OP. The thing is though you could fight the fight with this and stop her but you might find that her issue just shape-shifts into something else. In the end her son seems to have chosen someone who is fundamentally, completely different to her and that will be the thing that rankles.
You might need to find a mantra and just repeat and repeat every time it comes up, 'thanks for your concern, I'm happy and healthy as I am'.
Good luck!

I'm in a similar situation but with my own extended family! I don't see them that often but they always comment on how thin I am (size 8-10). They are all overweight but it's none of my business so I don't comment. They would be horrified if I said "ooh you've got too fat", but apparently it's ok for them to say "ooh you've got too thin" to me.

I used to explain that I enjoy exercising and eating healthy food (I was brought up this way so it's a way of life for me) but they just didn't get it. So now I just nod, smile and ignore, but when I'm staying for any length of time it does get VERY draining.

I had a sort-of-similar (but opposite) issue with my MIL. I am a UK 12, but god I love wine and choc and butter etc- and she can.not.help herself. 'Oh wow, you'll be doing a longer run after that choc bar won't you?' Etc. She portions out the family meals which I find so utterly patronising, childish and disrespectful of personal choice. What if I don't want fucking raisins on my salad?! Then after dinner you get 2 squares of dark choc (it's good for you) in a little bowl. So last time I stayed there (7months pregnant with my 4th) I bought myself a whole bar of galaxy and ate about 10 pieces in a go. The looks!!
Long story short- I'm hoping in about 3 months she will be my Ex-MIL when the divorce papers go through! I discovered her son had the same belief system and couldn't face a lifetime of being aggressively bullied over my lifestyle choices.

Love fords suggestion

@mynamechangemyrules

My OH's mum portions out food as well. I (and OH as well) end up with half a plate left at the end of the meal because she gives such massive portions. I find the doling out of portions really patronising, as though no-one but her can possible be trusted to judge how much food is appropriate.

I think it's time to start commenting on her bad eating habbits, see how she takes it 😂

"I don't know how you can drink wine every night, it would make me very bloated" etc, etc, until she gets the message

sounds like she's jealous of people with healthy eating habits and lifestyles, and the doling out of huge portions is her way of 'secretly' trying to sabotage that?

@HeebieJeebies456
I'm not sure it is that to be honest. I think she genuinely does believe she's eating well.

Yep, might be time to start offering comments back

My mil does the same always comments on how thin I'm looking and always says she will make a unicorn out of me eventually. I find it so patronising. I've always been slim. Her Sunday dinners are enormous and I had to stop going round on a Sunday as I couldn't deal with it anymore, I just say I'm working and go round every now and then. She does the reverse to my dsil makes comments about her looking pregnant etc and says my dn is big boned and chunky when she isn't. She obvs has a problem with food control which sounds the same as your mil op.