Not sure where to start...

[MyUsername42]

I'm not really sure where to start with this post but I feel like I just need to let it out because I haven't told anyone any of this and I just feel quite down about it all.

My DP has been having multiple affairs. I found out earlier this year. I recieved an anonymous message and after some digging the truth came out. I kept it to myself for a while, why I felt shame I have no idea and I though maybe we could work through it. When I told him I realised that was probably not the case and hes turned really nasty. Its been made out that its just my fault because I'm useless. I've pretty much run round after him for years and hes just been taking advantage. This has really hurt.

Also over the last year a situation from the past, that I thought I wouldn't have to think about again has resurfaced. Long story short, years ago while on holiday I met a friend of a friend. He was being very full on and I was glad to get back to my hotel. I woke to find him stood at the end of my bed (he had used her pass to get in) and I'm sure that I made it clear that sex was not what I wanted. I have replayed this so many times in my head and never told anyone because I was really confused. Hes now apparently married and has a family but messaged me in the middle of the night recently out of the blue on social media and just said 'hello'. I thought it was odd. It has really messed with me head and brought it all back up.

Most recently my ex has been in touch, we've stayed 'friendly' for years. We had a brief chat and he told me he had tried to take his life and will mostly probably try again very soon. Now I have no idea why he would choose to tell me this, I will support him and its made me worry about him but I hardly know him now and I don't even know where to start. Also my DP doesnt know any of this as I though that would make the living situation 10 times worse.

On top of everyday life, I feel a bit of a mess.

Am I doing something wrong here?

I've just thrown it down, so sorry if it doesn't really make sense. I don't really know what I am going to acheive by posting this and know people go through much worse x

Oh dear OP no wonder you feel confused.
Partner with multiple affairs, get rid of. Contact from married man, block. Contact from ex, block.
It's not working because you are trying to make it work with the wrong people. Move on.

You should end it with your partner. He's been unfaithful and has managed to blame you, sounds like you believe him as well. Have some self respect and get rid of him sweetie. He's been lying to you. It's not good enough.

The friend of a friend sounds creepy, you should block him. Your ex needs professional help but not you. Encourage him to get some help.

Do you think it might be time to put yourself first? It might feel very odd to begin with but time to think about what YOU want. Stating with whether you want to get rid of your lying twat of a 'D'P ?

You can't make it work with someone who blames you for his cheating.

As for the other messages, block the first guy, he's really not someone you should be in contact with. The other guy is clearly struggling and that's bad but it shouldn't be your responsibility, give him a contact number for the Samaritans and say they're more qualified to help than you are.

Thanks for your replies.

The friend of a friend was creepy, It went further than what I described. He was well liked (still is) but I just don't get why he would send that message because he knows what happened.

The ex I worry about because I did care about him a lot. I am glad he could talk to me but now I feel responsible for checking up on him and its all a bit awkward. Thanks @cakecakecheese I will speak about the Samaritains.

The 'D'P situation is not great I feel financially stuck as I'm not sure what me and DC would do. He wants to sort it out, I'd be lying if I said I could trust him. He just snaps at me all the time, I've not had an affair, yet I'm the one apologising and justifying his behaviour.

Get some advice, go to Citizen's Advice, and work out what benefits you're entitled to etc, finances are no reason to stay with someone who treats you so badly.

You're not responsible for the ex. By all means signpost him to helpful organisations but let that be all.

Sort out a way, financially to leave your "D"P.

The ex friend - I presume he either sexually assaulted or raped you Do you feel able to report it to the police now? Your report could help another victim of his to be believed. If it were me, I'd block, and I'd write a social media post about what happened, and that the guy had the nerve to get in touch again recently as if nothing had happened. I wouldn't name him unless I'd already gone to the police, but that's 100% your choice. So all our mutual friends could see it. Some may infer who it was, others will simply lend their support to you. Either way you won't be carrying the secret like it's your burden. It shouldn't be; it should be his.

Block the ex. Block the creepy guy. Ask your DP to leave.

Go to Citizen's Advice as said above. You are not 'stuck', you are scared and that's totally understandable. But you will be entitled to benefits/maintenance for yourself and DC.

Please don't settle for staying with a cheater just because it's easier than leaving.

Thanks, I will speak to Citizens advice next week. DP has made it clear that he wont let me leave with DC. He also keeps telling me he wont pay me a penny. I'm still running round after him, a hour round trip to work twice a day sort dinner etc and I'm being completly taken for ride. I don't know why I can't stand up for myself. I don't normally complain but I am exhaused from doing everything and trying to fit my work in too.

@Subspace I don't know. For years I've thought it was my fault, he made it sound like I'd invited him in etc. That wasn't true .

OP, if your life was going well and you had a supportive partner, I'd suggest responding to the creepy FOAF and trying to elicit an admission of guilt, then going to the police and insisting on pressing charges.

However, you don't have a supportive partner and you most definitely don't need any more stress in your life.

Re this:
"DP has made it clear that he wont let me leave with DC."

It's not up to him. He can bluster and threaten all he likes, but he has no power to compel you to stay with him, nor to leave your children with him.

It's great you're going to see Citizen's Advice. But I would also strongly recommend calling Womens Aid. Please don't think "But he's not beating me up so it can't possibly be serious enough for them." They deal with ALL forms of abuse, and from what you've briefly described, yes he is abusive.

It's not you. It's him.