Dating someone you aren't physically attracted to

[WonderWoman1008]

Would you date someone you aren't physically attracted to?

I have very briefly chatted to a guy I've met online, although lives in our small town and I know of from out and about.
He seems like a nice guy from what I have heard but I am not in the slightest bit attracted to him.

I've been single now for nearly two years, came out of a 10 year relationship, dated two men since (2 dates each) but realised I wasn't ready... this was 7 months ago.
I feel I'm ready now but I don't want to waste this guys time, I'm not shallow or anything but it's playing on my mind.

Thanks!!

It's not shallow to want to fancy someone. Have you met/seen him in real life? he might have some kind of magnetism not translatable into photos

I have seen him in real life yes... only said 'hi'
I wasn't physically attracted to him.

He's messaged me numerous times asking me out and I have always politely declined.
Can't know him for persistence!

Of course you shouldn't date him if you don't fancy him. What a weird question. Why on earth would you want to?

What would you be dating him for ?

Company for when your out.Someone to pay for you. Practice for re-dating. Sex with your eyes closed ?

My MO with dating was to have sex quite early on because the physical intimate attraction is paramount. Without that I'm not sure what distinguishes a bloke from a nice friend. Nothing wrong with nice friends of course.

In answer to your Q don't bother and don't give him false hope.

To get to know him? He might have a great personality that I may fall for rather than just falling for looks...

When I met DP I wasn’t attracted.

Then I got to know him and I fell. I can’t explain it. Sometimes it can be a slow burner.

Get to know him. Even if you simply form a fabulous friendship it’s a bonus.

I don't think there's much point in pursuing the relationship if you don't fancy him.
Next time he texts to ask you out, decline firmly.

I've certainly fallen for people in the past who I was rather 'meh' about at first ... and then it turned out they were amazing and they suddenly became super gorgeous too.

But that wasn't part of the weird world of OLD - it was the real world where I got to know them by virtue of our being in the same place every day.

With this guy - are you interested in finding out if he has an amazing personality that will turn him into a Greek God in your eyes? Or are you just wanting a relationship and this guy keeps asking - and you figure 'better than nothing'?

A relationship with a person you don't fancy is not better than nothing. But if you want to give him a go and see if anything sparks - you're not wasting his time. And if you decide after one date or two that actually this isn't going anywhere - you still weren't wasting his time. You gave him a chance and you didn't feel anything - that's fine.

Agreeing to go for a coffee, just because you're technically ready for 'more', is not a promise of 'more' - it's a coffee. And the date wasn't a waste of time just because it didn't end in marriage and fat grandchildren.

If you think this guy is worth the shot that he might be so awesome he completely bowls you over - then go for it. If you're really not into him - don't. If he keeps on asking - block him.

I would, but I'm rarely attracted to appearance. Attraction tends to grow as I get to know someone.

Not in a million years, personally. But I think it’s clear from this thread that everyone is different. Some of us fall for personality and can have a “slow burn”, but for others (myself included) that never works and I end up in a sexless relationship and/or feel like I’m settling.

Would you date someone you aren't physically attracted to?

^No way. How could you

I met soon-to-be-DP online. I really liked his chat but when I met up with him I wasn't instantly attracted to him. He was so funny and laid back though so we went on a few more dates.

Needless to say I now look at him and honestly think he's the most gorgeous man I've ever laid eyes on.

DH*

No. Both because why would I, but also because I don't think it would be fair on them. People deserve to be with partners that fancy them. Life is too short.

If you’re the sort of person who knows at a glance if you are attracted, then no. Why would you?
If you are a slow burner who ets smitten by someone’s laugh/ SOH/ openness etc then go for it.
But from your post I’d say you are the former.

Looks often fade, sad but true. Now I’m middle aged, I’d fix on a great personality above everything . Of course cleanliness and a tidy appearance are non negotiable, but I wouldn’t put attractiveness as a top priority.

How can you know if someone is attractive until you have spent time listening to them talk about something they are passionate about or until you have seen them help someone who needs love and support?

Then I kissed him ...... swoon ........

The last guy I had a fling with I wasn't at all attracted to. But he was so funny and interesting and had a spark about him that melted me. Would have been impossible to tell from photos.

Meet him and see for yourself.

You can also find someone attractive to look at but not be attracted to them.

When I first saw my OH I didn't immediately think phwoar but neither did I find him unattractive, but he certainly wasn't my type and in his own words describes himself as balding and portly with crap dress sense.

We clicked well just messaging and enjoyed each other's company after meeting a few times and I really thought it might peter out because I couldn't imagine that he would want to stick around if I only wanted to be friends.

But the more time I spent with him, the more I liked him and wanted him in my life.

Definitely a slow-ish burn.

The fact that you’ve told him no and he’s still pursuing you would be a red flag for me.

No, what’s the point? If you don’t fancy him it’s not going anywhere.

Having said that, I have had relationships with people I wasn’t initially attracted to but fancied massively once I got to know them.

However, the fact that he’s hassling you in a red flag. Delete and block him.

I dated someone I met online and met for a coffee...I really didn't think he was attractive from his profile pic and agreed to meet with no expectations and planning to say a polite 'you're lovely and funny but no thanks' . His personality won through though and I found him very attractive although 'not my type' on paper.

Wow, just reading this old thread that I wrote two years ago to the day!

A little update:
I did eventually go on a date with the guy in question and although there was no physical attraction for me and sparks didn't fly, we got on really well personality wise.

We continued dating and fast forward to present time, I now look at him and think he's gorgeous 😍 & I'm totally in love with him.

So, thanks to those who shared their stories and said it could work! I'm pleased I eventually agreed to go out ☺️

Nice update.
Good on you taking a chance 2 years ago