It's like I'm invisible

[Lellowcar]

Since DS being born 3 months ago my relationship with DH has really gone downhill. We rarely talk and he doesn't listen to a word i say when we do and then gets annoyed that I didn't tell him something was happening. I seem to do everything, all the housework, looking after DS. He does work during the week and i understand he's tired when he gets home but on weekends he shuts himself away in his office or spends it watching tv in the living room. It's becoming ridiculous but whenever i mention it to him he gets offended and goes off to sulk. Everything little thing we do seems to annoy eachother nowadays. We weren't like this at all before and it seemed like a good time to have a baby, strong relationship, good careers and we both really wanted one but I'm not sure where it went wrong

Unfortunately this isn't uncommon - lots of men shut down and become shitheads after children are born.

The only solution is to tell him to sort his head out, get whatever help he needs (GP, counselling, talking to a friend) and start participating in family life or you're off. You might not feel up to doing that right now with such a small baby - if you aren't then manage as best you can for now with as much help from others as possible and deal with it when you have more strength.

So sorry he's turned into an arse, @Lellowcar.

Unfortunately it DOES seem to happen to some men. They are used to having all the attention and love lavished on them, then baby arrives and obviously Mum is then caring for her baby. Husband resents baby, but can't say anything obviously, because he would then reveal his true nature as being a massively selfish TWAT.

Ask him straight out if this is what's happening. He needs to start acting like a decent Father, not a baby himself.

Next weekend give him the baby and take yourself off out with friends or to the hairdressers or something. He will appreciate you more when you get back.

Yes there are also some crap blokes around, not disputing that, however.

then baby arrives and obviously Mum is then caring for her baby

I see this phrasing of "her" baby/child quite often here.

It's not always that the man feels an attention shift but that the mother's attitude is that the child/chidren are hers rather than theirs and that the relationship between her and him and him and the child are unimportant.

I know several men who felt excluded from the family unit when a child comes along, aren't able to bond with the child well because the mother is always hovering, critisising and taking over. Can't maintain a decent relationship with their wife because she won't leave the child with anyone else so they can even get a date night once in a while.

I have heard several men say thay have felt like an unwelcome lodger in their own home, or similar.

@HarmlessChap - interesting take on it, I wasn't even aware that I'd put her rather than their (or even the). I might have to ask myself a few questions!

I work and dh stays home, I get in frazzled, can see dh is also, I have a quick shower then get stuck in with dishes /managing dc /etc. Tell him he has 15 mins to change into df mode then hand him the baby while you do something else /bath /shop /whatever. He goes off to another room - you follow and hand him the baby.
Or he moves out imo.
You have a baby, you don't need a moody teenager just yet also.

What chap said. I've seen it many times before that men get called buffoons, unable to care for their children, excluded from the relationship and generally dismissed. Rightly or wrongly some mothers do focus entirely on baby to the detriment of their main relationship and this is why so many marriages breakdown after kids. It's not nice to feel like you're an inconvenience one one hand and a cash machine on the other.