Historical abuse

[themoonandthestars]

Earlier today I spent two hours at the police station making a statement about abuse I suffered as a child. It has taken me 25 years to get to this point. The abuser is dead .
I am trying to disclose what happened to me, in the most basic of terms, to some of my family. Other members of my family have shown me hostility in recent weeks as they do not want me to share.
I feel that I need for this 'secret' to be out.
Is there ever a case for a survivor of abuse to keep the secret as a secret in order to protect other members of the family from the upset of finding out the truth.
I am torn. I want to do the right thing by everyone but i'm tired of this all now and can't see how I can ever escape while the secret is just that - a dirty secret protecting the memory of the man who did this to me.

Oh I am so sorry to hear you’ve been through that. You are the victim here and you must do whatever you need to do to find peace within. Of course the rest of the family will be upset to know what went on. That is also natural, but this wasn’t your fault, it was his. And your bravery in speaking out may help others do the same, you never know. Hugs xx

Thank you 31 x

Do what you have to do. And get counselling. They might never believe you/accept it/acknowledge it.
You are in your 'safe place' ready to tell, but others might not have reached theirs.

Hi themoonandthestars - so sorry to hear about the abuse you’ve suffered. I used to investigate child abuse ( historical allegations from adults too) so I recognise the anxiety you’re suffering. Quite often children who are abused take on the role of protector - particularly of their siblings and mother. Sometimes the perpetrator will have threatened loved ones and sometimes it’s instinctive. I do know of cases where the victim has waited for a parent to die before they’ve reported the crime to police. I don’t know if any of that is true for you but you do not carry that responsibility of protecting anyone. You do not carry that burden. You must do what you can to take care of your mental well being. Family often don’t want these issues to be aired - sometimes because they were also victims and are not ready to acknowledge it but more often than not because of the what they see as scandal tainting the family. You cannot control what they do - you can only tell the truth. If it’s important for you to speak about it then that’s what you must do. I hope the police have referred to to appropriate resources to help you if that is needed and that you have good support around you. You have my greatest admiration and I wish you well for the future.

Thank you Mary and Thank you Spirited.
Your thoughtful replies are helpful and reassuring.
I am grateful for the time to took to reply x

You do what you need to do for you. It’s not about anybody else, if this is something you feel you want to do then do it.
If other people have a problem with it, it’s their problem, not yours 💐

I reported my historical abuse a couple of years ago. It was difficult and upsetting but also cathartic and validating, and I'm glad I did it.

I don't think it's up to you to keep quiet in order to protect people. You can only manage your own feelings; if anyone else is upset by what happened to you (and they should be, it was awful) then it's up to them to deal with that upset themselves.